Borderland
by idmarryhoss
Summary: A Hoss-starred fairytale, to reward those who always wanted to see the romantic side of Hoss Cartwright written into one story. A bit of a fairy-tale, a portion of Hoss being Hoss, a part of Bonanza and - yes, some other themes combined to that framework.
1. Chapter 1

_All characters and events are fictional, and the ones not created in series are mine while the original Bonanza belongs to its own creators. Some places, parts of nature and the ways of living are from Scandinavia rather than Nevada, but I trust on the kind eye of the reader. _

**I **

Horses stretched out their necks to nibble at the new spring grass on the ground. They were free to wander in the scenery while the men worked to relieve their thirst. Two tall figures were hovering over the heart of a spring; one stretching his lean body like a large cat after a very long nap, the other inhaling the spring winds like a bear that had been released from his winter cave.

Tossing his coat over a wavering, freshly green branch of a bush, the leaner man filled his canteen and let its cool water flow in between his lips. The gesture made the other man say something to which both of them laughed. After a long silent moment they both bent down to fill their canteens again. The larger man sat heavily on a nearby rock, and pulled his boot off to get rid of something – probably annoying. Both men squinted towards the sun and smiled in a way that was partly open, partly inward, and when the larger man pulled his boot back on, the other slapped his shoulder quite heavily.

"Let's go."

"Have you ever been over those hills to Linden's Creek?" Hoss asked. He was heading back home with his brother, loyal to their cook Hop Sing and his highly refined cooking skills, but more than usually tempted to linger in the vast landscape of their spread. Spring was a season filling him with crisp fresh air, with energy coming out of the land and the sky and the rocks and the little and big critters around, and occasionally he was free to let his mind just wander.

"Linden's Creek? I've seen the place. But it's quite a long time ago, when he was still alive... Maybe it was even before their youngest one was born."

"It's funny I never came to visit them, just something peculiar about that place." Seeing the sidelong glance of his too well educated brother made him add: "I reckon."

"Maybe they'd be happy if you showed up for a neighborly visit... It's still early spring, and not so many calves to brand or wood to chop."

It was Hoss' turn to throw a brotherly but not so tender look on Adam. "What's that s'posed to mean, brother?"

"More time to spare."

"Not what I meant, Adam."

"Oh, come on. I can feel your feet burning from a distance."

"Yours ain't that much cooler, I judge."

Adam laughed, baring a set of very white teeth, and pulled his hat tighter on his head. "Race you to the ranch!"


	2. Chapter 2

**II **

"Adam, will you ride to the north pasture today?" Ben poured coffee into a small red-and-white cup and leaned over to reach for the sugar.

Adam glanced quickly at Hoss and raised his own coffee cup to his lips. He eyed the cup and then his father casually. "I was thinking I could see to that wagon wheel today and rest my old bones."

Ben's cocked eyebrows were not as quick as the mouth of his youngest son. "Your old _what_?" Joe gulped, with part of his seventh biscuit in his mouth, ending the inquiry in a small wailing sound and a spray of crumbs. Adam shifted slightly to return his feet back to his side of the table.

"Old bones and old bones... telling me of his old bones as he were some... something with old bones..." Joe muttered barely audibly, and served himself another portion of eggs. "At least I won't have to listen to these crazy old brothers of mine if I pick up the supplies in Virginia City."

"I'll ride with you, Joe." Ben took a sip of his coffee and eyed Joe levelly, as if he wouldn't be able to make up his mind whether to keep the look stern or playful. "I have to send a wire about a contract. Besides, it's springtime and nobody knows what that brings to the heads of young men."

"Oh, quit laughing", Joe grunted at smirking Adam and helped himself with coffee. "It's about time _somebody_ in this house had some springtime in his head."

He returned a wink at Hoss' roaring laughter and sipped his coffee. "Older brother."

"Very funny." But the snark in Adam's voice was more from habit than intention.

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Hoss had ridden a long way to the northeast. He carried all he needed to be able to camp for the night, but the journey had been pleasant and the landscape merciful, so it felt like no time had passed since he started in the morning. Looking at a thickening growth of trees and remembering the joy of just satisfying his curiosity, he reined Chubb quicker to the neatly stamped path that he knew to lead to a little household right at the border area. It was a border in many ways. Lands were dividing, and the landscape changed from rocks to woods and again to grass land, and Hoss had heard a legend that even animals and the wind decided around that area, whether to go east, to go west, or to go back.

Soon Hoss could see a small house painted in red and a little child of five or six years of age looking very intensely at a sleeping dog. He dismounted and loosened the cinch, and looked at the neat yard, appreciating what he saw. It was small, but well taken care of.

"Howdy, li'l gal."

"Shhhh." The girl pressed her forefinger to her puckered lips and kept her pale blue eyes fixed on the dog. Hoss examined her two very blonde plaits that were tied into two ringlets, and the air of determination around her little body that was curled down so that she was almost like a little frog staring at the animal.

"Is that your dog?"

"Shhhhh!" This time the hiss was a bit angrier.

To his relief, Hoss heard another person coming over and found himself looking at the widow Nilsson, a smiling woman of not long past her thirtieth birthday. She opened her mouth for a greeting, but saw the little girl with her intense study, and decided otherwise.

"_Svartan_!" she shouted and clapped her hands. The dog woke up and sprang of to his feet, leaving the little girl to look at her mother quite warily. "I was almost there, _Mamma_." She pronounced her 'mama' so long and soft that it emphasized her melodic accent.

"Rebecka, can't you see we have a guest? Behave." The same melody rang clear and appealing in her accent. "I'm Elin."

"Ailynn." Hoss twisted his mouth, as if to taste the sound of his own interpretation. "I'm Hoss Cartwright, just plain Hoss, ma'am." Hoss squeezed the offered hand, which returned the gesture a lot harder than he would have expected. "And this I reckon is Rebecca."

"Come and shake hands with Mr. Hoss, Rebecka." The girl came closer, looked at Hoss from under her eyebrows and gave her hand as if she hoped it had been ten feet long. At least.

"Rebecka Nilsson." The soft sounds in the middle of the name made Hoss smile, and he bent low to shake hands with the girl most carefully.

"Miss Rebbeca. Nice to meet you."

The girl seemed to hold a lot more suspicion in the tone of her voice, and eyed with more suspicion her new acquaintance, but she accepted the greeting in silence. "Off you go, play with Svartan", her mother told her. Turning to Hoss, she went on. "Sorry for her behavior, we don't have much joy of guests at Linden's Creek."

"It is a bit far off, if you don't mind me saying."

"But I'm glad your curiosity brought you over." Her eyes narrowed to give way to a sparkling smile, which softened the features of her face and made her pale gray eyes glitter. "Isn't it a long ride from Ponderosa?"

Hoss took his hat, examined its rim and returned the smile over the open question. "I reckon it is, ma'am. But as you said, curiosity is a mighty powerful thing. And I just thought if I could ride over to see... if you need anything. Or just to say hello, ma'am."

"Just Elin."

"Ailynn."

She laughed at his way of saying her name and dusted her apron. "Could I offer you a cup of coffee, Hoss Cartwright?" Without waiting, Elin whirled toward the house, and a moment after Hoss realized he was expected to follow. He took his hat off as he entered the red house, and scraped clean his boots at the door, which he never did at any other place.

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"How come you named the place Linden's Creek?"

The silver bells of her laughter filled Hoss' ears, while her eyes glimmered their mystical light to him. "You don't believe we have water in this land, do you?" she asked, setting her hand rather teasingly on her hip as she set the water on the stove.

"As a matter of fact we do have water; we have a little stream deep in those woods behind our house. But the name Linden comes from my family. My parents were named Lind, my husband wanted to honor them and here we stand." She tapped her foot on the firm floor and smiled. "Linden's Creek. The little stream was our secret hideaway with my husband when my husband was still alive."

Hoss had listened very carefully, but the faint layer of very blonde freckles on her nose and cheekbones kept disturbing him. He could comprehend nearly a half, though. "Mr. Nilsson... how... sorry." Hoss blushed. "I'm being too intruding."

"Not at all. My husband passed away six years ago, when I had just discovered to be with Rebecka." The woman said the last without a blush, smiling proudly while looking through the window at the little girl, who was patiently teaching the sand-colored dog to shake hands with her. "He was hunting. It was a snowy winter at the mountains and he lost his step at a bad place – he was found much later by other men on that trail."

The gray eyes were filled with a sequence of moods, from pride to happiness, then to sorrow, deep longing and coming back to this moment, and pulling back from the mists of the past so quickly, it made Hoss wonder if he had seen the emotions at all. "He wasn't much of a hunter, but a hunter enough for our little family. He was more excited to find new plants and critters and draw their pictures. I've kept the books if you want to see them one day." Her smile was directed straight at Hoss disarmingly, and her eyes shone bright as the spring sun for Hoss. "Would you like to have another cup?"

While Hoss accepted the offer, they could hear more sounds coming from the yard. In a moment, a boy of roughly ten years of age rushed into the kitchen and was followed by a younger girl.

Whereas the little one Hoss had met in the yard had been almost as pale as a ghost, the boy and the girl had darker complexions, very similar to their mother's sweet brown hair and her level gray eyes; nevertheless, Hoss could recognize them as siblings of the reserved little girl by the tone of their suspicious glare. Two pairs of level gray eyes inspected him with care.

He smiled at the touch of freckles on the nose of the girl, and thought she would become a very attractive young woman in just six or seven years' time. He held his hand out to the children before their mother made a gesture to introduce them. "My name is Hoss Cartwright, but you can call me just Hoss."

"Thor." The boy shook his hand and appeared to have forgotten how to blink. "Tor Emil", her mother corrected. "But I guess it's easier to call him just Thor."

"Sigrid", the girl said as she took her turn to shake his hand.

"Thor and Siry." Hoss smiled at the children in front of him.

"Sig – Rid."

"Secret?" The girl didn't seem to be amused at all, although Hoss could see behind her head that her mother was holding her hand over her own mouth to stop from laughing. "Maybe I'll call you just Syrup, what'ya say to that?"

"I'd rather be just Sigrid."

"_Seeg-reed_ – I'll try to remember." Hoss bowed his head to show his respect to the young lady.

"Go on; go tell Rebecka I've set some biscuits on the table. Go, go!" Elin touched the children on their shoulders and pointed at the door. "Hurry, before we finish all the milk with Mr. Hoss."

Hoss observed the slightly convex arch of her nose, which ended in a pointy little top from which fairies probably slid down and flew off into the air. He wondered how long her braid was, when it was not curled into a bun in the nape of her neck.

"I hope you like children, as mine tend to think they rule the world", she laughed, without seeming at all ashamed of the state of the matter as such. "But indeed, they can spend their days in the woods without seeing adults for a long time; they forget their manners."

"Ma'am... " The look from the gray eyes warned him. "Ailynn." The eyes filled with stars again and her eyebrows eased to give way to a smile. Hoss grinned. "They are very fine kids as they are. You can be right proud of them all."

"Thank you. You saw it's not just the children, but the little farm. Not so many animals... but a living to take care of." Again she laughed. Hoss could have listened to her melodic laughter all day, and watch her eyes curling even more upward from the outer corners as she smiled. Sunlight seemed to dance on her high cheekbones.

"I'm sure your little farm is one of the best taken care of I've seen around here", Hoss admitted. He might have named it the best establishment in any direction from Ponderosa, if he had been asked right at that moment.

The magic of the spell called Ailynn had started to work.


	3. Chapter 3

**III**

"I wish I had more sons like you. At the rate you chop those logs we won't have any timber to sell for the mines." Ben leaned forward in his saddle and let Buck stretch his neck. With the other hand, he pushed the rim of his hat back and looked at Hoss. "I reckon you're better than just all right?" Still watching his son, he dismounted and loosened the cinch.

Hoss placed the ax on the ground and leaned on its shaft, checking on the pile of small wood he had cut from bigger logs in the past few hours. The effort had made him remove his vest, and pushing his hat a bit back Hoss felt sweat dropping down his face. "I'm never better, indeed, Pa." He grinned. "I reckon if you had more sons like me, we'd dadburn buy you out from the Ponderosa in a year or two."

Ben laughed, looking down at Buck's neck. "Then I'm sure glad that the other two indulge in different hobbies, son." Hoss could tell he was curious by the slight curl of the lips and the glances his father considered to be hidden from the rest. But he wasn't ready to give in to his Pa just yet.

"I'll pile 'em nice and square in a no time, don't you worry. And if you behave, I might keep you in the Ponderosa as an act of goodwill, when I finally do buy you out." As he turned his back, he could feel the chuckle behind his shoulder blades rather than hear it. He grinned under the rim of his hat and enjoyed the pressure of the growing curiosity.

Ben led Buck to the barn and mumbled something about thick-headed offspring, making Hoss' grin deeper.

"See you at dinner time, I'll check the books before Adam and Joe are in", Ben announced as he passed Hoss at the yard.

"Yes, Sir, you can wager your money on that", Hoss replied with an almost sincere reverence.

The deep brown eyes inspected him once more before his father left him alone in his chore, convinced he could not come to any closer to understanding the goofy smile that had come to appear on the face of his son lately. To think of it, Adam's avoidance of why Hoss was acting so oddly distant lately was also getting on his nerves. It didn't worry him - he was sure his son's weren't doing anything wrong - but it was annoying that they could hide something obviously entertaining from him.

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Hoss kept piling the wood, buried deep in his internal world. He was in a very good mood. He enjoyed the physical work that made him feel full of strength and life. Seeing what the land had produced, what he could make out of it or what merely belonged to the country was suddenly making him feel proud and capable; and often enough he found himself thinking how slanting rays of sunlight might light up a faint layer of freckles spread close to a pair of invisibly blonde eyebrows.

He slowed down his speed so he could drag the chore until he heard the sound of hooves on the road. He'd have enough time to wash up when his two brothers returned, and he sort of enjoyed the privacy this task gave him. These familiar routines were carried out in every little house in the territory, and he found himself also imagining how the chore would be done at Linden's Creek.

Maybe he would find out about that soon.

He stopped to mull over the last idea a bit longer in his head, bowed his head to the side, squeezed his lips, raised his eyebrows and finally smiled as he reached the conclusion. The time seemed to be just right – why not?

The sound of hooves approaching the ranch brought him back to the yard where he was standing. "Little Joe. Adam. How were the fences?"

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"Hoss..." Joe was alone with Hoss by the fireplace, finishing a game of checkers with his brother. Adam and Ben were up in their rooms, concentrating more on reading or counting sheep rather than on the soft dialogue downstairs.

"Yeah, Joe?"

"Care to ride the fences tomorrow with me?"

"Uhm, what?" Hoss was furrowing his brow at the checkerboard. He was not quite losing, but not really on the winning side either, and he was sure even a blink could arrange the board to favor Joe. It happened often enough.

"I thought just that... well... I'm riding north tomorrow, and according to my knowledge, it doesn't need two men."

As Hoss lifted his head, he saw his little brother wink. Hoss' smile was hidden, but the furrows on the forehead changed from puzzled to pleased. "Adam told you?"

"Well... it took quite a lot of effort and vivid imagination, but I managed to drive him to the verge of finally giving in." Joe took a piece and moved it tactfully to a new position.

"I thought it was still my turn, Joe."

"Uhm? It was? I thought you forgot how to play."

Hoss moved a piece to the other end of the board, picked up Joe's captured men and crowned his new king. Eyes twinkling, he leaned back in his chair and grinned to his younger brother. "Don't you ever think so, little brother. Wasn't even close."


	4. Chapter 4

**IV**

When Hoss rode to Linden's Creek the next time, he was welcomed by an odd sight of three troll children. The little elves were chanting a melancholic song and dancing in a circle, while their mother clapped her hands and joined in the chorus. Elin sat on the piece of wood resting on the sawhorse, and the little ones were imitating the critters of the forest: one by one, they were being the bears, the praying wolves, the clever foxes and even the large fish of the mountain rivers. Hoss didn't understand a word of what they were singing, but the melody and the dance captured him in a world distant from his own.

The song ended with a part where the kids were small as mice, and sprang away when their mother suddenly leaped towards them from the log, waving her arms like a hawk on a hunt. They disappeared in three different directions, and left Hoss wondering if part of them were actually mice, as they nearly evaporated in the thin air. Elin stood hands on her hips, smiling, and the sun swept over her brown hair coloring some streaks to vivid tones of honey and gold.

When Chubb blew air out of his nostrils, she realized she was not alone, and lifted her hand to the blonde eyebrows to shade her eyes from the sun. "It's you, Hoss Cartwright!" she said, lowering her other hand to her waist on her apron strings. "Come down from your horse; don't be scared of a children's game."

Hoss dismounted and loosened the cinch. "Was it about the four-legged critters from around here?"

"Do take your horse to the barn and take the saddle off. Tor has caught some plump trouts and I cooked enough for a dozen!" Elin leaned the saw against the log and wiped her hands on her apron. "The song was about beasts of the forest, but I don't know if even the Swedish kids know it anymore. I learnt it from my father, who learnt it from his grandfather, but they probably made new games up in Sweden."

"I'm glad at least somebody is playing it so close to the Ponderosa", Hoss said, and realized soon after it escaped his lips, that it was probably a very darn stupid comment. But Elin didn't seem to mind, she was already leading Chubb to the barn herself and Hoss had nothing to do but follow. "I nearly forgot your family is Swedish."

"We came a long way. Both Fredrik and I were brought up in Swedish families, although we were born in this country. We spoke our mother tongue to our children, and when he was still alive, we tried to have business with neighbors a lot so that our children would learn the language. Now it is a bit more difficult when I'm alone, but I try to teach them everything I know when we learn the work of the farm together."

Hoss lifted the heavy saddle off and took some straw to dry the sweat off from Chubb's back. "My mother was Swedish. My Pa used to tell me how she sang on the trail when they were traveling West."

"What was she called?"

"Inger. She was Inger Borgstrom before she married."

"Inger." Elin tested the name in her mouth. "She is not at the Ponderosa anymore." She didn't ask any questions, nor expect any further explanations, but left Hoss to decide whether he would continue.

Hoss waited for a moment in silence. Then he decided he was ready. "She died when I was a baby myself. I never heard her talk to me; I don't have any memories of my own about her. But I've heard stories from my older brother and my Pa." Oddly enough, it was hard to tell this to Elin, and Hoss felt a dark cloud hanging over his face when he tried to go over the empty longing that sometimes caught him, when he was trying to find out about what he really knew of his Ma.

"Inger Cartwright." Elin's strong, long fingers wrapped Hoss' hand momentarily, and woke him up from the land of the past. "She must have been a remarkable woman. I've heard you Cartwrights will only settle for the best." Her smile was a shade sorrowful, though, as she knew how it had been to lose a spouse and a father. "Hoss Cartwright..."

"Just plain Hoss. Or you could call me Eric."

"_Erik_." As she tasted the name on her tongue, Hoss felt like he had suddenly been lifted out from a deep and dark cave to see the sunlight the first time. "_Erik_ Cartwright. You sound like a remarkable man." The bridge connecting them to the ghosts of the past was broken, and Elin invited him to follow him back to the house by waving her hand.

"Tor! Rebecka! Sigrid!" she shouted. "Come to eat with Mr. Hoss!"

"Trout, you said, ma'... Ailynn? Isn't it a bit far off for Thor to go fishing for them?"

Elin shook her head. "How do you tell a ten-year old boy he should stay away from the forest and from fishing?" she asked in response. "No, I usually give him some jerky and some bread and tell him to be careful, and hope that the spirits of the forest will protect him."

Hoss took his hat from his head and stroked on the rim, not sure whether to smile or to stare. "Ain't that a bit far off from real security, Ailynn?"

Elin turned her head and disarmed his shields with a glittering look of her gray eyes. "It's the best I have up here, so I better trust it, do I not, Hoss?" she asked, shrugging and putting her hand over his arm for a split second, sending wiggles up from his nerves all the way to the scalp and the spine. "Hoss, living so much in the vicinity of the forest, my children have had to grow up both respecting it, but also enjoying it."

"I reckon that's the case, then." Hoss smiled at her, trying to make her turn and set that gray gaze back to his own eyes. But she was busy trying to locate her children in the yard and the forest line, making Hoss sigh. Not all gambles were made to win.

"_Vi ska äta nu, kom in_!" Elin shouted to the trees, and strolled to the house. "Come, Hoss, let's set the table and I'm sure they'll come."

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Hoss was riding back home, thinking about the simple dinner composed of fish and potatoes in the little farm. Although the children had been solid as the bedrock to begin with, they had been able to relax soon in the company of Hoss and the help of their mother asking things about the farm and the wilderness.

It seemed little Thor had been wandering in the spreading landscape already from the time his father had passed away, and his youngest sister shared the same longing for freedom under her icy pale complexion. They knew a lot about the landscape, about the animals, the hunters and even the occasional Indians in the country, and even though not having names at them, they still revealed a lot of their secret knowledge about the area to Hoss.

Sigrid was happy doing chores at the farm, and she seemed to keep her mother company by telling stories, remembering old ones and mixing them up with her imagination. The melodic accent of her English took over when she decided to tell about the things she had seen among the animals and what she had weaved into her stories, but it made it all the more fascinating to listen for Hoss.

Little Rebecka had been the quietest one of them all, but after the dinner she had come to Hoss, eyed him with her sky blue eyes and decided to crawl into his lap. For some time she had been trying out different positions to sit at, judging every ounce and every foot of Hoss, and finally decided that he was all right. After deciding Hoss was among the good, she had finally started to talk to him.

Elin was extremely proud of Rebecka's judgment, and told it quietly to Hoss as she walked him to his horse and helped him to saddle it when he finally left. As she walked Chubb out of the barn and Rebecka came running towards Hoss, asking him to throw her high up in the air one more time – and a one more and a one more – Elin was almost gleaming a shimmering light from her faint freckles.

"Hoss, it has been a delight to have you stay. Feel it in your heart that you are most welcome as often as you wish to come."

He took Elin's hand in his for a moment and squeezed the strong and capable fingers that yielded their tension under his gesture. "I will visit you soon, Ailynn." He was able to steal a glance from the misty gray eyes defended by the sharp cheekbones. The gaze stood there for a moment just for himself.

"Your family has also made an impression on me."


	5. Chapter 5

**V**

A storm kept Hoss at the ranch for several days. When the rain oozed down in pouring magnitudes, when the white lightning crossed the skies and were accompanied with roaring thunder – all the people could pray for was that it didn't do too much harm to the land or to the animals grazing wild in the spread. Trees could split, and falling trunks were able to grab down any obstacles on their way; the little homestead farms were hopefully strong enough to keep the water and wind out.

Many nights Hoss dreamt about a brown-haired woman curled down to sit cross-legged on a rock, by the surface of a spring or at a grassy meadow under the shade of tall pine trees. Sometimes she was singing in a strange old language, sometimes just humming, or sometimes jumping from rock to rock and bump to bump, luring Hoss to follow her deeper to a misty green grove. In the daytime he could smother the pull of this invitation, but in the midst of his chores or when he thought that nobody looked, he was tempted to turn his head to see over his work and look out from the windows to the opening horizon.

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When the first bright day arrived, Hoss set off before breakfast – after he had tucked a fair amount of small bites prepared by the faithful Hop Sing in the saddlebags. "Tell Pa I'm off to the country today", he said to the cook, before he sneaked out to avoid any questions from his family. Hop Sing stood most astonished at the kitchen door, left wondering if the world had turned to an end, because he had never thought there would be a situation that number two son would miss a meal on his own will.

Hoss set out for his destination at a solid pace, wondering what it was in the pull to the farm near the forest that he couldn't quite get a hold on explaining. It was part of the reason why he wanted to skip the inquiries of especially his father; how on earth was he supposed to say he mused himself by chasing the little fairy he had found right in the shift of the borderland? And that her singing had been bothering his sleep ever since he had left Linden's Creek the last time? That he was chasing a will-o'-the-wisp that came in the form of a pair of colorless eyebrows over a gray haze of mist that smiled?

He was feeling free, nevertheless. Breathing the fresh air after the rain cleaned his lungs and the rising sun was just turning on all the colors of the springtime in its full glory. He had stashed enough things in the saddle bags to be able to camp down and continue to see the damages of the storm out in the low lands, in case he would wander off so far he'd miss the mealtimes at the house. Adam and Joe would know his whereabouts, anyhow, so they'd be sure to see to the other corners first.

Sometimes the brothers were bliss.

Reining Chubb in through the familiar path to the Nilsson's house, Hoss heard the humming of Elin in his ears long before he was able to see her. When he finally came out of the woods, though, the sight wasn't what he had expected. Elin was sitting on the drying ground, holding little Rebecka in her arms, and both of them were looking down under one of the red-painted barns.

The sound of the hooves made Elin turn her eyes right at Hoss. "Hoss, welcome." As he dismounted, she turned back to the barn. "Rebecka is worried sick; Svartan is under the house and won't come out. He was scared by the thunder very badly."

Rebecka didn't take her eyes from the hole in the vegetation that ran around the foot of the barn. It must have been the entrance where the dog had crawled in in the first place. Hoss loosened the cinch and tied Chubb's reins on a post and bent down at Elin's level. "How come a silly old dog done got under that?"

Rebecka puckered her lips far ahead. "Svartan is not silly."

"But Rebbeca, Swatton must be a pretty silly dog to go hide thunder so that he forgets to come out. Now I know he may be scared, but you'll just have to remind him he's a fine good dog and he'd better be up here with us."

Rebecka's lower lip trembled. "But how do we tell that to Svartan?"

Hoss examined his hands. "Rebbeca, that ain't the easiest thing to do. But maybe you could go and see if you can look him in the eyes? He'll trust you, I'm sure."

Rebecka thought for a moment in silence. "I guess I could try." She removed her mother's arms from around her and bent down to peek under the logs to see the dog. "Svartan? Svartan!" she whispered, being like one of the little fairies that had troubled Hoss' dreams. "Svartan, can you come out?"

Hoss bent to peek into the darkness, too, but he couldn't see a thing. Only a small whining sound of the dog from the blackness came to his ears. Waiting for a long time that probably felt like an eternity for little Rebecka, trying to hoot to him to call him back, they could finally hear a shift in the darkness as Svartan decided to move.

"Did'ya hear that, Rebbeca?" Hoss asked, smiling gleefully to the girl who had become a sight of joy instead of sadness in a fraction of a time. "It seems Swatton remembered he'd had those paws of his all the time, and decided to come back to you, li'l gal."

And, indeed, it was Svartan who came out from under the house and squeezed to fit from the tightest spot between the build and the ground beneath. Elin laughed a relieved laugh. "Oh, Svartan, he lives up to his name!"

Rebecka hugged the sand-coloured dog, that was spotted with mud and sot and unnamed dusty constituents and who looked thirsty and wobbly after days of refuge. "Go, Rebecka, wash him up!" Elin said to the girl encouraging her to take the dog away. Turning to Hoss, she touched his arm. "Thank you. She loves that dog very much; they've been together almost since she learnt to walk." Mist travelled away from her eyes and revealed a star or a two, with a faint glitter.

"Elin, what does Svartan mean?"

Small giggle invited Hoss to share a secret. "Don't laugh when I tell you. It means the 'black one'."

Hoss eyed Elin dubiously. "The 'black one'? But the dog's as far from black as a grizzly bear from a mouse."

"Forgive me, and Rebecka, Hoss. When she was little, all she wanted to have was a black dog. But when our old dog had puppies, all we had to keep were yellow. We named one Svartan, the Black one, just to indulge her, and still today she thinks she can turn him black if she only wants it hard enough."

"Silly little gal, she is." Hoss looked back to examine the face of Elin. The freckles, the point of the nose, the escaping little curl of hair at the corner of the right ear were just at the places he remembered them to be. "But not near as silly as her mother."

"Hoss Cartwright! Stop calling me silly! Do you wish to remain to be welcome in my house?"

Hoss laughed and stood up and lifted her lightly as a leaf from the ground. Placing her in front of him, he knew he could still afford a silly or a two.

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"Is your little house still in one piece after the storm?" Hoss asked, when Elin poured him a cup of coffee. She offered a cinnamon and cardamom spiced biscuit of which she was very proud, as according to her own words, she had been trading with the peddlers and the gypsies and even their old ancestors to lay hands on those spices in her little house.

"You should know better. My son is named after the god of thunder; he would not hammer down his own home." She took a bite of her pastry and closed her eyes in delight. "_Erik_, you've just been invited to the finest bakery bordering the Ponderosa."

Hoss almost choked in his bite. Still laughing, he wiped his mouth and dusted some crumbles off from his shirt. "Ailynn, they sure didn't teach you the same modesty they taught at my house."

"Rubbish. Modesty is for those, who have nothing to be proud of. I believe more in... honesty." She opened her eyes, and the laughter in the eyes that turned upward from their corners challenged Hoss for a game. "Will you accept my honesty, Hoss?"

Hoss eyed his pastry, and lifted his eyes while he finished the spicy pastry with one bite. "Depends how you take it. Being the big dumb Hoss, it ain't always that easy."

"Don't call yourself dumb and clumsy. You are far from it, Hoss."

"For most of the folks, that's plumb right what I am. Big dumb Hoss."

Elin was all of the sudden very serious. "_Erik_. Hoss." She nailed her eyes to him serenely. "It's because not all people have the ability to look. They reach the surface but they forget to see."

Hoss put his cup back on the table, because he felt that his hands were trembling. His chest was big in its dimensions, but right at that moment it felt all too tight for his lungs and his heart. "Elin... You really see people as they are, don't you?"

Elin handled the edge of the red-embroidered table cloth for a moment, petting the maple leaves and shamrocks absently, before her eyes found Hoss' baby blue ones. "It is sometimes more of a burden than a blessing, Hoss. There were times when I thought it kept me from making new friends at all."

"But occasionally you have a Hoss or two to come near."

"Even a half of you would have been enough."

Hoss hesitated, almost afraid to breathe, his heart loping apprehensively, as if on thin ice. He couldn't quite read what Elin had to tell him by her gestures. He was afraid that the magic would break if he'd touch her; and yet he felt it was what he wanted to do; more than he'd ever wanted anything.

When he gazed at her fingers frozen over the cinnamon roll, and guided his puzzled gaze over her arm, her shoulder and her chin to her eyes, he still didn't know the answer.

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Magic.

Hoss was riding back in magic.

He had been able to feel the energy of Elin's life throbbing in every vein of hers, when he had touched her hands, her arms, and her braid of fine silky hair that fell straight and soft down her shoulder.

Hoss could still feel where her fingertips had rested on his hands, on his arms, on his shoulders and below his ear. The rest of the world was somewhere outdoors, and the time inside had stopped flowing forward for a while. There was no sound of the children running around, and no cracking firewood in the stove to disturb the silence that passed between Elin and Hoss that one afternoon moment.

A silence that had said more than a mountain of words.

Hoss closed his eyes as he tried to remember the gentle breath of Elin against his chest when he had held her in his arms for a moment. Her hair smelling of cinnamon and fresh birch leaves, her eyes so close that he could count every streak that the smiles had carved through the soft skin over her pointy features. But the biggest reward was the look in her eyes when she directed them to him, unshaded, unhidden, unveiled.

The eyes looked into him, seeing so deep down to him that nobody had seen before; they also revealed him a depth he had never been offered before. It made him much honored, and very proud. Elin had chosen him.

Big silly Hoss Cartwright who piggybacked kids and tailed his two elegant brothers.

Eric.


	6. Chapter 6

**VI**

Hoss' thoughts were interrupted by a whistle. Gathering the reins of Chubb and turning to see where the sound came from, he saw a chestnut pony coming downhill towards him. The little figure on her back turned out to be Thor, and he was riding his pony without a saddle just as he had probably seen the Indians do. He held only one rein very loosely to mark where other people kept the bridle, but he seemed to be able to guide his pony with his posture and thought more than he did with his hands and his feet. He carried two rabbits poled into a small lance, and he seemed to be proud of what he had found in his traps.

"_Hej_, Hoss", he said when he was close enough to talk. "Are you coming to visit us?"

"As a matter of fact, son, I've just started heading the other direction." Hoss creased his nose a little. "Though those cinnamon biscuits could lure me for another visit, you know."

Thor looked at him with an expression that said he was plain stupid. "Hoss, don't you know you shouldn't ride that way? It will be one more storm coming from that direction any time."

"A storm? You must be funnin'. We just had a storm strong enough to be fit for the whole summer. What's gotten into you, boy?"

Thor smiled still, with a smile that told he knew something a lot more than Hoss. "I can hear it from the wind. It'll come here quick, and go over quick, but I'd think it best to be somewhere indoors when it happens."

"You smell it in the air, is that what you said?" Hoss' brow furrowed. He tried to look at the horizon but all he saw was a blue sky. "Over there, you say? A pretty peculiar thing to know."

Thor nodded. "I... it... how do you say, it is in my blood from my grandfather?"

"It runs in your family, if that's what'ya trying to say." Hoss tilted his head to the right, to be able to cast a prejudiced look on the boy. "Very peculiar things run thick in your family veins, if you don't mind me saying so. But if you insist, I'll follow you back home."

"_Tack_, Hoss. You can appreciate it later." With a small nudge to sit deeper on the pony's back, he stirred it to a soft gallop, looking like his upper body was just growing out of the horse's back. His legs were melted to the sides of the animal with gesture free grace. Hoss watched him advancing for a moment, and when he realized he had forgotten to follow, he kicked his heels to the sides of Chubb. He should beware of that rain, after all.

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"You again!" Elin laughed, when she saw Hoss following Thor. But she seemed to be pleased, too. "What brought you in this time?"

"Ailynn, this time it was your son. He told me the bright day was gonna turn into a storm again, and made me follow him."

"But didn't you hear it from the wind yourself?"

Hoss stared at her for a moment. Then he forced himself to wake up from the spell and dismount.

"Did Sigrid come home yet, _Mamma_?" Thor slid down to the ground and handed the lance over to his mother, before he patted his pony on the neck.

"She's herding the sheep somewhere, but she'll come home before the storm. As usual. Why?"

"I wanted to hear a story. But maybe you could tell me one? I saw tracks of a bear far away, and thought she might tell me of the bears in the caves when Grandpa was small."

"Let me tell you what. Let's have you taking these rabbits hanging behind the house, and I'll take _Gumman_ to the barn with Hoss. Then I'll tell you a story of the great bears of the snowy fjells, from your _Farfar_. All right?"

Thor nodded eagerly. "All right. I try to be quick." He dug a sheathed hunting knife from the inside of his belt and nearly ran to work on his prey. Elin turned her eyes to Hoss. "Now you'll hear one more story, too."

"I just wonder how you always have a time for a story. When I was a kid, I had to wait until it was time to bed down for the night, and even then I had had to behave real good."

Elin twisted her mouth sideways and pinched her nose from the right. "It must be something that my late husband taught. He used to say that no matter how hard you work today, there is always something left for tomorrow. And the more you think you should have worked today, the more you'll always discover undone when the day is gone." Then she winked. "It's not quite the harvest time yet, anyway. If a game in the middle of the day will keep my little workers happy, I'll treat them with one."

Hoss smiled at her simple perspective. He was enchanted by the way she was able to shrug off most of the tension that bothered so many of the other homestead families and their heads. She didn't exhaust her head with things she couldn't control, and the way she decorated her days with imagination and beauty when most of the families would just have been happy with modesty made Hoss almost envious of her ability to want what she had.

"Would you like to tell me more about... your husband?" Hoss asked abruptly. He had been wondering what kind of a man had first been able to reach through to her.

"It will only make you jealous and forget me, _Erik_."

"I promise you it won't. Surely." And Hoss was telling the truth. He couldn't be jealous at a dead man, who had been so much different than him and come from a different world living in a different time. He was here and now, and if Elin had loved her husband very much, it didn't mean she couldn't have at least as much to give still.

"Remember you promised." Elin ran her fingers over the back of the chestnut mare, examining her legs and clearing away the little stones from the hooves, combing her fingers through the mane and rubbing the skin with even brush strokes to make it clean. "My husband was... a dreamer. When I met him, he had been taught to tend a farm, but he couldn't do it at all left alone by himself. He could see a butterfly or a beautiful flower or a tree as old as the time itself, and forget everything and start drawing it. Or examining it with his eyes. He could draw every little detail of bugs and insects, and he wanted to learn how they build their homes or where they lay their eggs... and how the different plants timed their blossoming, which places they chose to grow at. When we married I was very young; but I still remember how I wanted to become able to take care of the household, so that we could afford to buy him paint and canvas and let him go wonder in the wilderness." She sighed. "Maybe we could have afforded that very soon; the land here can be rich when you know how to take care of it. But after the children came, it was too soon that he was called away."

Hoss gave Chubb a final pat on his neck and looked at the straws on the ground floor. He could almost picture the husband in front of his eyes, forgetting to watch the sheep from going through the broken fence while finding a nest of little sparrows in a safe place. At the same time it was easy to see Elin spin the yarn and paint flowers in linens with her small needle, thread and skillful, determined hands.

A new voice entered the conversation. Sigrid had found her way to the barn and climbed few steps up on the ladder leading to the hay. "What _Pappa_ drew in his books was what _Mamma_ liked. I know he was able to make things live in his drawings. She can make wood and wool and cotton and the grain to live, but she can't make lines on the book to breathe and move like _Pappa_ used to."

"You'll show his books to me soon, won't you, Secret?"

The girl nodded at Hoss, but Elin pressed her forefinger to her lips to stop her from talking. Maybe she was afraid of the spell being broken, this time.

"Sigrid, why don't you go in the house to stir the soup. Hoss should finally come and see Linden's Creek." Without an objection, Sigrid floated rather than jumped to the ground and disappeared into the house. A distant sound of thunder announced from the upcoming weather, and Elin put her hand into Hoss'. "Come, we'll have to avoid the rain", she said and led Hoss to the shade of the trees.

As they walked deeper into the woods, the clouds gathered darker above their heads, making the pines around them look taller and darker and giving them a looming facade. Hoss trusted the firm grip of Elin in front of her, and followed her vigorous steps as she pulled him further to the forest. When they finally came to the brook that ran almost hidden under long grasses and vegetation, Hoss was surprised to see the clear water protected by the arms of the trees and the bushes.

"Come, sit next to me", Elin demanded and pulled him down on the high grass. They sat in the middle of a year or two old little baby trees and listened to the frogs and grasshoppers together. She closed her eyes and pulled in the strong scent of the surrounding forest. "You feel it, too, _Erik_. It is why you were so special from the first moment you set foot on this ground." When she opened her eyes, the greens of the plants and the blue of the water were reflected from them to all the directions she looked at. "It is also the same thing that is common with you and my Fredrik." After a pause she added slowly: "With you and me."

Hoss put his elbow back and leaned on it, trying to figure out what Elin had said. "... what do you mean, Ailynn?"

"You are like the country where you were born. Running in your veins... I can hear the pounding of the life that comes from the pines and the cliffs and the brooks and the beasts and the little singing birds from around you. You are from this land; but you also belong to this land."

Hoss had lifted his hand to twine his fingers together with hers as she spoke. Their hands resting together in her lap, he felt the reflection of the life and the strength of what Elin had described to him, as she sat on the moss as solid as a tall pine tree herself. Suddenly she pushed Hoss down to the ground and put her head under his arm, curling her other hand over his heart. "Breathe this air, Hoss. It feels so good."

He breathed, and the scent of the early plants and the water were mixed in the scent of cardamom coming from her maple syrup hair.

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Hoss hadn't realised his eyes had been pressed shut by the gentle spring breezes which brought the scents of the sprouting forest to his nostrils. The landscape was still misty of the dreams he had forgotten he saw, and his arm that earlier had been filled with the warmth of Elin was now empty. Lifting his head and resting on his elbows, he scanned the hidden clearing to find his company and guide.

Melting almost invisibly in the colours of the woods, Elin, sitting on a rock next to the water, was spotted by him. Her hair was let down and she was wearing only a thin gown of white linen, decorated with the skillful stitches that were able to make plants grow in ornate spirals on the fabric. Looking at the soft hair that fell down as the finest of veils, Hoss was not able to open his mouth, even less to speak a word. When Elin turned her gaze to him and saw him awake, he forgot even the shady forest when all of his attention was swallowed in the crystal stare of her deep gray eyes.

"Come, follow me to the brook. Swim a bit downstream with me and see the forest with me."

Saying this, Elin fell gracefully as partly a fish into the water, which became a stable pond and continued as a river under the branches further by where Hoss hadn't seen it before.

He took off his boots and outdoor clothes and followed Elin to the water in his underwear. Water was less cold than he had thought of before, and walking a few steps further he noticed it was also a lot deeper, allowing him to start swimming. The further he swam the more he could feel the currents that were pulling him downstream, whirling to make the water grasses wave as they stretched to balance between grabbing their roots in the bottom and trying to nudge the surface of the dark water.

For a moment he was afraid he would not be able to follow the strong and sleek strokes of Elin, but every time when he felt hesitant, he saw her swimming just a bit further ahead, her hair spreading on the surface of the water like a living blanket of red-and-gold satin.

The forest had changed under the stormy clouds, the trees were standing in black darkness and looking unfamiliar. Pines were scarcer, and less tall spruces and occasional birches were conquering the landscape. Large anthills on the south side of the trees were vibrating as their inhabitants were working hard to please their queen. The ground was becoming mossy and filled with lichens and large gray deer with long and thick horns were coming out from the shadows to further observe the two swimming figures.

Every now and then Elin turned her head to see if Hoss was still following, her gray eyes pulling him deeper to the water and giving him the urge to catch her no matter what the doubting reason.


	7. Chapter 7

**VII**

"Hoss, wake up!"

Elin was nudging his upper body quite hard. Hoss creased his nose without opening his eyes, and could still tell Elin was resting on his arm – although it was a bit numb by now, and that they both lay on firm ground on a grassland rather than a mountain country. When he opened his eyes and moved, Elin got up. "We should get back, the rain is coming soon."

As if to emphasize these words, few drops landed on Hoss' forehead and made him get up, to sit, too. He dusted his clothes and stroked the grass off from his hat. "I had the weirdest dream", he said.

Elin grabbed his arm and started pulling him up and towards the house. "Forget the dreams, _Erik_. We live – and we need to live – in this world, not theirs."

The quick glance of her eyes, with an expression of melting steel mixed to the deepness of a forest spring, made his heart forget to beat for a moment.

Hoss stared at the crown of her head beside his shoulder. He forgot to move his legs despite her strong pull on his arm, and had to look back at the Creek to make sure, that it was just a small brook with clear water, the bottom currents running close to the surface even though surrounded by a curtain of branches and plants. No matter how hard he tried to imagine, he did not see foxes and wolves coming to greet him from the shadows, nor to invite him for a dip in the shallow water.

"Are you coming or not?" Elin released her grip and gave her hand palm up to Hoss. The rain started to wipe their bodies and Hoss grabbed her offered hand.

"I'm coming, don't worry."

They sprang in the shade of the trees and despite the protection of their branches and leaves; they were both dripping wet when they reached the house. The looming gray clouds covered the sky; a distant lightning stroke but it was far away and wasn't yet followed by the normal roar.

Elin led them in and closed the outer door and the second door of the little porch, leaving the bad weather outside. "Hang your vest and your hat close to the stove", she advised, and added a couple of logs in, to feed the fire and make it warm enough for their coats and her shawl to dry. Still facing her back to him, she opened her hair and let the braid fall straight down from the casual bun she normally wore.

Her braid wasn't much thicker than Hoss' finger, but when she continued to unravel it, it opened up into a soft cloud that fell in smooth locks across her back. As she ran her fingers through the damp curls, Hoss almost extended his hand to touch it himself.

Blushing at the thought as soon as he realized what he was thinking, he crossed his hands behind his back and decided to keep his eyes on the floor and his thoughts in the pointed tips of his boots. At least for some time.

"I think you'll need to stay overnight, Hoss", Elin said as she pulled her hair back up and fastened it into a secure and less disturbing bun again.

"Ailynn... is that really..."

"I'll ask the children. Rebecka!" The round eyes of the little one, framed by the soft curls that were not braided this time, appeared at the door between the kitchen and the living room. "Do you think Hoss should stay until morning?"

"Yes!" The little one screamed happily, and ran to the big room, her footsteps patting softly on the wooden floor. "Tor Emil, Sigrid, Hoss is staying over!" Hoss felt almost the urge to blush again, when he was surprised by the delighted screams from the inside. How did they know him so well already?

There was another reason for him blushing, though. "Ailynn... I was just thinkin'... do you reckon it's right proper for me to stay?" There was only one room in the house to sleep in; and the tongues of the neighbors knew things that were hidden even deeper from the eyes than the Nilsson's brook.

She looked at him as if he had lost his mind. After a long moment, almost like judging for which explanation of all the possible ones to choose, she spoke very evenly. "Look at my three children, Hoss Cartwright. There is very little chance that I would marry in white anymore."

Saying that, she turned her back to him and disappeared inside the big room. As usual, Hoss was stunned enough by her sentiment to follow immediately; but in some heartbeats, he let his feeling win and his brain be forgotten, and strolled into the big room to be greeted by the kids.

Lightning struck down nearby, and this time the hammers of thunder banged the sky very loud.

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Night was approaching, and the sun was struggling with the clouds to have its chance to dye the horizon throbbing red before it would be hidden until the next dawn. The showers had passed the Creek and Sigrid was watching the sky from the window. Her eyes were wide and still like shaded water, and the white lightning striking far away cast eerie lights over her hazy freckles that were so much alike than her mother's.

Hoss was holding Tor on his lap, as he was trying to show how to unravel and assemble a wooden game he called the devil's fist. A cross was untwined into small parts and built in together again, but even though trying very hard, Hoss was unable to learn the trick. The boy had told him it was a toy inherited from Elin's parents, and though he was most of the time behaving like adult, he didn't find it awkward to sit on Hoss' knee and telling him his little secrets.

Hoss' knee had been the honorary place, of which he saw Elin was very pleased. And to admit it, secretly Hoss felt very proud inside, himself. Although he couldn't quite define if the kids thought he was treated by their mother as one of her kids or as her equal, having children come and pull him to their plays and poems was a compliment for him. Even if Elin herself would have had trouble telling him apart from her children, he could have forgiven her that.

Elin walked to the window and moved the curtain into which she had crocheted little daisies and violets to the edges. "The storm is moving, but it's very dark already. Do you feel tired, Hoss?"

"Tired?" Hoss rose his eyebrows, wondering. He had almost forgotten how it felt to become tired.

Elin looked at Tor yawning on Hoss' lap, and crossed her hands over her chest. "I'll make your bed on the other _soffa_", she said, and walked to one side of the room. Opening the lid of a wooden sofa, she revealed guest bedding and blankets and arranged them on a bench near the wall, making room for a guest to sleep in.

"In a small house, it's not much privacy, but the closest I can get to match your strange habits around propriety." She smiled at him and pulled Sigrid away from the window. "Sigrid, I think you should go and wash up with Tor Emil. You'll have time to play with Hoss tomorrow." Rebecka had already fallen asleep, sitting halfway on the floor and leaning to a larger bed pulled out from a similar sofa at the other side of the room, and she was collected up in her mother's arms as she walked by the bed.

Tor and Sigrid didn't seem to be as excited by the idea of going to sleep. When Hoss said they should all obey Elin and her will, they put up much less resistance. At least Hoss wanted to think so, to himself. Hoss smiled at their tired faces while they tried to look alert and not sleepy at all. "Off you go, Thor, Secret. Maybe, when you come back, li'l Secret here can tell us all one more story."

"Don't encourage her", Tor whispered, making his younger sister giggle.  
>"An-chor-age", she repeated. Hoss dropped Tor to the floor.<p>

"That's 'encourage', little lady."

"Anchorage", she repeated satisfied and climbed on Hoss' knee. Grabbing his hair and the other ear with a gingerly pinch, she helped herself on his shoulders. "Don't stand up, now. I don't wanna hit my head", she warned.

What could he do.

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While getting ready for the night, Hoss had stayed long outdoors and breathed in the fresh air after the pouring rain. Everything was quiet. There were only a few stars in the sky. He felt as if he was already in a dream, in one of the wild adventures of the spirits and inhabitants of distant forests that Sigrid was so eagerly making stories about. When the only sounds were the horses flaring their nostrils in the barn, with an additional shadow of a cat catching the shrews, it was quite easy to believe that the stories of Sigrid were not so far from the spot on which he was standing.

Feeling refreshed and relaxed by the evening spent with the family he had grown to like very much, he was also a bit scared of what would occur to him when eveything was quiet and everybody would be fast asleep in the little house. He didn't remember when somebody had made him forget that the rest of the world existed, and it was also a long time since he had stopped to care about it for anyone's sake.

When he finally entered the house, he saw Elin combing her hair in a white nightgown with intricate embroideries. She sat on the large bed and in her linens three lumps marked her three children who were sharing the bed with her. Hearing the sound from the door, she turned her hazy eyes to Hoss and continued combing the veil of hair that fell down her shoulders to her waist.

"I made your bed ready", she said and pointed out to the other wall in the living room. "The children fell asleep soon, and I think we should follow their example." She pulled her gown-hidden legs under the blanket and set the comb on the small bedside table. "I hope you enjoyed the evening."

"More than I can describe", Hoss said, and it was extremely true. "Something my world... would enjoy very much, too." He could see only faint outlines of the four formations on the other bed, and heard the children sound asleep. Groping around in the dark room, he found the other bed and slid under the linens which were covered by embroidery of leaves and flowers that he felt under his fingers. "Good night, Ailynn."

"Good night."

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Hoss heard little steps approach his bed before a little hand patting on his shoulder woke him up. "Hoss..." a voice whispered. He opened his eyes one by one, and saw a brown-haired little girl dressed in white nightie in the shades.

"What is it, Secret?"

"I had a bad dream."

"Couldn't your Ma or Thor keep it away?"

"Tor is too small, and _Mamma_ ain't afraid." She climbed without further questions next to Hoss and forced him to squeeze uncomfortably close to the wooden back of the sofa.

"Secret... why d'ya reckon I'll keep them away?" Hoss whispered to her.

"Because ghosts don't follow you." And by saying that, Sigrid buried her head in the pillow and pulled the blanket close to her chin, and fell asleep almost as soon as her head touched the linens. Hoss lay awake for a long moment, though, before he was able to let go of the words and yied under the power of dreams.

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He woke up early in the morning, almost cheek to cheek with the little girl. He watched the long eyelashes resting on her freckled cheeks, and didn't want to disturb her by getting up from the bed.

Sometimes, when Joe had been littler and sometimes upset, he had used to crawl in to sleep with his older brothers. But lately, the Ponderosa had not been frequented by the soft footsteps of children too much. Although there was more history to the house, there were fewer ghosts now that all of them were grown up.

His company made Hoss wonder, how their Pa would react to shrieking and bouncing grandchildren, and how the Uncles Adam and Joe would take them. All of them adoring children very much when nobody saw, made him understand a bit further of what his Pa meant when he sometimes said that having three sons was fortunate.

Sigrid's even breathing was mixed to the sleeping sounds coming from the other bed, and even time seemed to be able to stop.

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Elin was the first of her family to wake up. She rose up, stretched her hands to the air and yawned almost gracefully. "Good morning, all." Counting the lumps on the bed, she noticed one missing. "Sigrid?"

"She had a bad dream." Hoss rose on his elbow and looked at Elin whose eyes were still a bit swollen from the sleep. The fluffy skin under her eyes was making her expression very cute.

"Ungrateful girl. How she's abandoned my nest and also stolen my Hoss." She shook the two other kids under her blanket and woke them up. "How lucky I didn't have more of them." Patting the protesting Tor and Rebecka on their little bottoms, she shooed them out of the bed. "Wash up, _barn mina_!" she ordered.

Hoss tugged Sigrid from her braid and whispered to her ear. "I reckon your Ma thinks it's time for you to wake up, too."

"Not yet", she murmured and hid her head under the blanket. "Hide me, Hoss."

Hoss laughed at the surprising response as much as he laughed at Elin's instantaneous leap out of the bed. "You will go and wash yourself right now, you little thief! _Lilla tjuven_!" she exclaimed, and tickled Sigrid's sides so that she screamed, and, finally, the girl had to leave her comfortable place and leave the house. "_Spring ut, tjuven_! Go away." Smiling at Hoss, she sat on the edge of the bed, and Hoss could hear the faint cusses in Swedish that Sigrid was aiming at her mother from outside.

In the morning light, Hoss could see the little deer and foxes and birds embroidered in blue and red in the hems of her nightgown, prancing through ornate leaves and tendrils of curling swags, being emphasized by the soft fine locks of her hair that fell down light as cobwebs. Looking at her uncombed curls and the remains of dust of the dreams in her eyes, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.


	8. Chapter 8

**VIII**

"Invite her here", Adam said. "Honestly, I am not the only one curious about the creature that is keeping you wandering to the far-off borders and camping right at the eye of the storm."

He lifted the horse dung and some streaks of straws away with the pitchfork and eyed at his brother. "Although I have to admit, the way you've kept it from Pa has driven him to the edge of losing his wit", he added with a chuckle.

Hoss grinned. "I didn't plan it so in the beginning, but when I got it going, I sorta liked the feeling of it and decided to keep it to myself." He squinted his eyes as he pointed a finger at Adam over the saddle he was waxing. "Ain't too many times a son of Ben Cartwright can indulge himself in that."

Adam's laughter was soft and passed quickly, leaving a dimple on his left cheeck. "But there is a point. Maybe it's time she comes away from her own little world and relates to the rest of us."

"Maybe she feels fine in her own little world without the rest of us."

"Come on. She's been a widow for six years, and she should come to her senses and start behaving like the people she belongs with."

Hoss' face darkened a shade.

"Think about the kids, too. What will happen if they don't learn the ways of the normal people."

"Maybe that's just it, Adam. She is right where she belongs, and she don't care a dadburn thing how other people judge her or her farm. You haven't even been to the place; and yet you think she can't see to that things are clean and in shape and, daggummit, arranged so beautiful that it feels you're in a fairytale."

Adam's jaw clenched. "I admit, I said it badly."

"Dang correct, you said it indeed all wrong. You saw the wild stories of her but forgot to look." Hoss' jaw was clenched too, now, his lower lip protruding far ahead and his eyes gleaming warily from under the deep brow. Adam turned his back and let his brother examine the curve of his shoulders, while he crossed his hands and tucked his fingers in his armpits, closing his eyes to calm the prancing tongue.

"What's this, I leave you two together for a day and in an hour you're already at each other's throats?"

The voice of Little Joe was deliberately careless, as he tried to relax the tension he could have touched with a ten-foot pole from the outside. "Stop glaring. It's been a long time since I saw my brother Hoss at this ranch, and I intend to keep him here for some time."

He walked to the towering figure of Hoss and put a hand on his shoulder. "Listen, brother. Pa'll have your hide if you only come home to fight." His face was as careless as his tone, but his eyes examined Hoss with intensity. With force and good gathering of his thoughts, Hoss inhaled, closed his eyes and tried to let go of his annoyance at Adam. Joe was right.

"Sorry, Joe. Just something stupid between me and Adam."

Joe looked at Hoss as if to measure his credibility, and left his hand on his shoulder for a moment. Then he patted on his arm quite heavily and exaggerated a blink. "That's it, Hoss. I can now see that you're still there." Before Hoss could decide if Joe might need a little new hairstyling with his fists, the youngest brother strolled away and patted Adam's arm too. "Be a good boy, Adam. Grumpy is not the way I want to remember you if you end up in an early grave."

At Hoss' familiar roaring laughter Adam swirled to catch Joe, who had anticipated the move and was half a way out of the barn already. He had miscalculated the speed of his older brother, who jumped to tackle his feet and pulled him to the ground, and started to wrestle him in the hay. Hoss was leaning on Adam's fallen pitchfork, and laughed at his brothers, until a speck of horse droppings well-aimed at his forehead made him change his thoughts about the game.

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When Ben entered the barn he was welcomed by three dusty angry men who were throwing hay and straw and each other around the barn while the horses followed their boyish game with complete silence and serenity.

Without a sound, he pulled back from the barn, closed the doors behind him, and took the head of Buck in his palms.

"Does it ever stop, old friend?"

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Under his bridle, Buck was trying to tell Ben not to be too jealous.

Or to jump in if he felt so, in spite.

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	9. Chapter 9

**IX **

Days grew warmer and the grass a bit greener. As any ranch approaching the summer, the Ponderosa was no exception. But seeing the distance from the corral towards the horizon in Hoss' eyes, it was easy for his father and brothers to forgive his immaterial and actual absence. It wasn't, after all, so frequent that springtime was nesting so strongly in the heads of the Cartwright men.

Riding up to the groves and valleys had often been Hoss' pastime; this time, though, he knew he had a target right when he decided to rein out to the country. He knew Elin was busy caring for the roots and the herbs and tending to her garden and her barns, but he spent time tilling the soil and pulling the weeds, counting the eggs and nailing the broken fences together with her, as it gave them a chance to be near. Exchanging some words, seeing eye to eye occasionally, a hand sweeping over another hand as if it were an accident.

The warm winds blowing to mess Hoss' hair were the same ones tossing Elin's apron strings, framing the secret scenes of the stolen glances where one thought that the other one wasn't looking. And when looking, there was always the hope that the other one would look back.

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The sun hadn't been up for too long, but Hoss had been early and had covered the country at a good pace. He was looking at the trail to the Creek and wondering, if he would ever spot other tracks but his own on the less traveled road. Knowing how tranquil the comforting nature of the Creek was, he felt half sad for all the passengers who never took the trouble to come there, and half beholden that he had been given the chance to enjoy it.

Often he rode to the yard of Nilsson's straight away, but today Elin was sitting on a big rock, waiting for him. She walked from the forest like one of its spirits, and her smile seemed to reflect the sun as her greetings jingled in the air like small glass bells hung in the air.

"How d'ya know I was coming this way?" Hoss asked, smiling at her and looking at the faint golden colour that grew stronger on her freckles as she had spent more hours under the rays of the sun. She laughed, shortly and expressively, and tossed her legs to the ground to approach Chubb.

"I knew you would be coming this way? You've become less hard to guess every time." As Hoss dismounted, she rose to her toes and gave him a little kiss on the cheek. Biting her lower lip, she tilted her head, looking him at the eyes. "Low land winds and some goose feather dreams, just as I thought."

Lifting his palm to where her lips had escaped, Hoss had no other choice but to smile. Her hands left his arms slowly and left a small tingle on his skin where they departed, and her soft steps in thin leather shoes lead him towards the sheltered yard of her house. Her undulating walk was inviting him to hurry or to delay.

Entering the yard, Hoss was greeted by the dog Svartan, and he bent down to receive his regards in the form of a wet tongue as the dog licked his face thoroughly. Rebecka ran to the dog from the porch with a hearty, rattling laugh. "Hoss!"

She giggled into the fur of the dog as she tried to pull him away. "Did you have something sweet?"

Hoss grinned, and glanced over the shoulders of the dog and the girl. "Yeah, I reckon I did!" he said with a chuckle.

"He must be liking the sweet things a lot", Elin said softly, developing a chuckle in her throat as well. "Leave Chubb out, the corral is empty. But I doubt he would escape even if you didn't fence him in."

"Yeah, I reckon, there are a lot of things to keep him at the Creek." He saw Tor coming out from the barn and approaching Chubb, and gave the reins of the horse to the boy as he lifted his hands to take them.

"I'll see to Chubb, Hoss." The horse stretched his head to the boy and flared his nostrils, nudging the shirt sleeves with its thick lips searching for a treat of a carrot or some old bread. Tor scratched the horse from the tender spot on his forehead under the mane, and made the animal follow him towards the corral while speaking softly to him in his own language.

Hoss stood up and turned his look from the pair to the figure of Elin, who was leaning to the door frame of the wash house. "I'm treating the linens with Sigrid, should you care to join?"

"Ain't that a bit heavy chore for the small hands of a li'l gal, moving all those sheets and wet cloth around by herself?"

"That's my job, big ox, she is only seeing that the water is hot. And that we have the soap." She looked at Hoss' arms, weighing their mass with her eyes, and let her judgment be followed by an estimating look on her own sound figure. "A strong pair of arms would be of help, though."

"Ma'am, a strong pair of arms is just what I was carrying here all the way from home."

Making her laugh, he stepped forward and turned her around to face the inside of the wash house. "Lead the way, Ailynn." Ducking his head to make sure he'd fit the door; he was able to catch the faint scent of birch leaves and ginger that never seemed to leave her hair.

From the steams and the mist caused by the cooking water and the laundry churning in the pots, the red-cheeked head of Sigrid appeared and was followed by the rest of her body. "Hi, Hoss!" she greeted, and came down to him to put her small hand around his big arm. "I'll show you where to find the poles to stir the pot."

"You weren't eavesdropping, I hope", he said while he heard Elin slapping her thighs and laughing with a chiming melody. But if she had been, Hoss was plenty grateful, as the chore gave Elin the chance to mirror his grip over the pole, hold her hands almost twined to his and stir the cooking sheets and towels together in a slow, round motion.

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When the washing was ready, the breezes had risen to blow warm summer air to clear off all the last dragging memories of the winter. Hanging the sheets to flutter in the direction of the wind caused enormous joy among the children, as their faces were attacked by the damp cloth every time they were trying to duck to avoid it. The white sheets were like sails gathering wind, hung on an invisible boat that carried people to a new season, evaporating the smell of the home-made soap and finding the courage to conquer the flourishing scenery all on their own. One of them escaped and sent the children catching it, running with laughter and screams.

"_Mamma_, do you think it's already warm enough to swim?" Tor asked when even the last one of the sheets was pinned to dry. Elin looked at him, tousled his hair, and then looked at Hoss.

"What do you think?" Her eyebrows rose slightly, and a little twinkle that told that she was an eager swimmer, too, was foreseeing hope to the little boy. Without waiting for an answer very long, she turned back to the boy and waved the girls to her, too. "Let me tell you what, I'll give you a basket of food and you can all go to see downstream if the pond is good for a swim already."

The kids were cheering at her suggestion, but she silenced them with a graceful motion of her hand. "Remember, if it is too cold still, you must come back. No blue lips when I see you again, promise me? And obey Tor Emil, he will be in charge."

"We'll be all right, _Mamma_. Come, Rebecka, Sigrid!" Tor exclaimed quickly, while he was already pulling her sisters alongside his mother to go into the house.

Elin's floating voice switched to Swedish a moment before it was faded when all four of them disappeared indoors, and Hoss was left alone in the yard. He undid the upper buttons of his shirt to undo also the sweat-filled effect of the previous chore, and thought of nothing while his gaze was resting upon the part of the treetops which met the blue sky.

The sound of running footsteps interrupted his guard, and he saw the little ones disappear down the trail before his attention was settled all again on Elin.

"Ailynn, let me take you to one of my favourite places nearby."

The gray pair of her eyes was fixed on his blue ones, and there were no others to share the attention of them anymore. "I was waiting for you to ask, _Erik_." She descended the few stairs and gave her hand for Hoss to lead.

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Hoss had saddled Chubb and taken Elin behind his back, and they had ridden them to a verdant green meadow between the hills, to a calm valley where you could see just barely to the shining blue lake. Elin had held to him light as his own shadow, adjusting to the stroll of the horse easily, and her cheek rested behind Hoss' shoulder anchoring his feelings to this moment only. She stayed for a moment in silence, when he halted, and closed her eyes, breathing in strongly. She slid down and waited for him to dismount, too.

"I can see why this is so special to you, _Erik_." Hoss threw Chubb's reins over a bush to haul him from stumbling over them, and gave his hand to Elin who took it to her own. They sat on the ground together, looking at the lake and being protected by the pines and the rocks around, between the hills where the mountain tops from far away were shielded from their eyes. Elin's braid had fallen from the ordinary knot she normally tied it into, but she made no effort in gathering it back.

Watching the sun cast its rays on the surface of the lake, hearing winds and birds and even little bugs carrying on with their routines, they held hands and spoke nothing to each other. Beside the flutter of the leaves in the wind, there was no talk in the air. They were close to the earth but far from the world; they could feel the time but they cared for it none.

Sitting next to Hoss and leaning her head to his chest, Elin gathered her hems and arranged them a little, moving her legs to adjust her to the ground better. Looking at Hoss almost shyly, she raised her hand and touched his shoulder.

"Catch!" she shouted, when her hand finally touched him and pushed him with sudden vigor that thrust him to the ground. Quick as a surprised deer, she started running away from Hoss, who got up a shade less gracefully but every bit as fiercely. "What in the world...?" he was shouting between his gasps when running, trying to hop over the holes and stones on the ground. She looked back at him every now and then, prancing in the high grass with glee while the sound of heavy boots was following her light steps behind her. He chased her around Chubb, from one end of the meadow to the other end closer to the lake, crisscrossing the opening and trying to swing his long arms to reach her, following her bright screams when she felt his hands close to her hems.

For some time she was able to outrun him, but slowly her speed was overcome by the more durable physique of Hoss. Time was a bad servant for her, and with a final shrieking giggle she was able to resist the power of the big man when she finally felt a pair of strong hands around her waist, pulling her to his arms and tossing them both to the ground while sheltering her between their cage. The glimmering of the gray eyes was emphasized by the colour of cinnamon that came from her freckles so strong that the he could almost smell the spice.

Panting, they both lay on the ground for a moment, until Hoss nailed her shoulders to the ground with his arm and waved his finger at her with the other hand, while she made no resistance at all. "You are the dang most silliest filly I've ever met."

"But you like it", she said in a simple and quite innocent way. Hoss rewarded her with a hearty laugh that trembled her disarmed body from head to toe, before he nailed her arms to the ground.

"I could beat you in wrestling, though", she continued stubbornly, without being able to move more than her fingers.

"You think so?" he answered close to her ear, in a low tone that was more a tickle to her hearing rather than a voice. "You're free to try."

She inhaled the fragrances of the green grass and the early flowers and the body of the man who had helped her with the chores and sprung after her jolting leaps, and examined the look in his eyes for a moment before they were veiled from her vision and brought closer to hers.

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Elin rested her head on Hoss's shoulder and breathed gently into his ear, making the small wild flowers of the ground braid into her breath and combine to the tickle she knew she'd create. When Hoss shifted to move away from it, she pulled him back and climbed over his large body.

Pushing her knee over his chest and raising her hands to the sky, she made an announcement shouting brightly: "I have won! Hear you all, I won!"

While the echoes were coming back, Hoss snarled at her, playfully and delighted, and grabbed her waist once more to toss her back to the grass. "You'll see just what you've won", he warned, before he stupefied her gloating giggles very determinedly.


	10. Chapter 10

**X**

When they returned to the house, the children were back, too.

"_Mamma, kom och se_, we've found kittens!" Sigrid shouted, mixing her languages in the middle of a sentence while asking her mother to follow her. As Hoss came in to a small barn himself, he too saw, in the middle of the stored winter clothes, a mother cat and five helpless, blue-eyed kittens.

"Were they here when you found them?" Elin asked Tor and Sigrid. The siblings exchanged a look between themselves. Of conspiracy, of that Hoss was certain of, having all his knowledge about siblings and farms.

"They were under the barn... but we took them here. It's cleaner and softer", Sigrid confessed.

Hoss hid a smile and observed the face of Elin as she was trying not to laugh, not to be pleased over the little kittens and trying to be stern with her young ones. "I was as much as guessing so, sweet children", she said, with flint in her stare but chuckle in her tone. "All right, let them stay here, but don't forget your chores even if you come to pet them here."

The children showing the kittens they had found from the barn made Hoss remember, how exciting new life had been when he was observing it as a child himself. Stroking over the fine silky fur of the little creatures, while they were scratching his fingers with their constantly revealed nails, his heart was joining the thrill of the children when they were fascinated by the tiny whining discovery.

"Our _Pappa_ made a picture of little kittens, once", Rebecka, turning up from the thin air, said. "Come, Hoss, I'll show you."

Pulling him from his hand, she took him into the house, and collected a chair to help her climb to catch a book from the only bookshelf the little house had. There were other similar books, which Hoss guessed to be the sketchbooks of late Fredrik, on the shelf. Rebecka didn't waver in her thoughts when she took that one precise book in her hands. As Hoss sat down on the chair, she pushed her elbows over his knees and settled the book there firmly.

"This is my favourite", she told Hoss, and opened the covers of the book, revealing a world of little animals, puppies, squirrels, mice and moles that were digging holes, jumping from trees and gathered around little acorns and given life by a pencil and charcoal lines. While Rebecka flipped through the pages with her little hands, he could see how flowers and trees were growing out of the ground and the surface of the lake Tahoe glimmered on the thick paper that had not suffered at all from the hands that probably had touched its corners numerous times.

"Here, here are the kittens." Rebecka showed Hoss a similar setting to what he had seen just a moment ago, about kittens that were crawling almost out of the page and out of the drawer into which they had been gently stored by Fredrik Nilsson. In fact, Hoss could almost hear the little meows of them and feel the soft patting steps of the mother cat, of whom he could only see the tip of her tail.

Rebecka knew the picture already, and left it for Hoss to look at, while she herself returned to the real kittens outside.

Hoss was the smallest man on earth.

Hearing Elin come behind his shoulders, and feeling her hands on them, he turned his face to her and tried to cover the anxiety of his shrunken chest. Misery he never knew had existed in him before nearly dumped his voice in the air.

"But I can't make anything live like that."

Elin looked surprised, with an astonished look on her face, and took his hand. Sitting on his lap and pressing his hand against her chest, smiling under her brow, she spoke with a tone she used when her children were being very silly.

"Feel it, Hoss. You are making me alive."


	11. Chapter 11

**XI**

Ben steered in the buckboard and picked letters from his vest pocket. He was in a good mood, and the smile on his face implied that he had met some good people, heard some good news, been invited to good places, or all of them in assorted combinations. Ben's moods were usually easy to read from his face, especially when they were at extremes, although it was a lot more preferable to have him in a good one.

Hoss greeted him from the porch where he had been braiding a pair of new reins for his horse, and stood up to greet him and his good news. "Let's see to the horses later", Ben said, and strolled in to see if he could show his good mood to even more people before unloading the supplies. His gamble was rewarded. Little Joe was sitting inside eating an apple, his feet resting on the arm of the settee and the other hand folded behind his neck. The sound of the door made him kick his feet on the floor, not quick enough to hide the deed but quick enough to signal obedience. "Hi, Pa, how was the trip?"

"Excellent, Joe, excellent." Ben unbuckled his gun belt and twisted it in a loop, before he set it on the brown credenza. Hoss walked in behind their Pa, hands in his pockets, looking both to his boots and to Pa in turns, his mind concentrated half here and half somewhere else.

Ben took off his hat and hung it on the wall. "I met Gregory Hudson in town, and he told me there will be a nice little social on Sunday next week. His twins are turning sixteen, and he'll throw a little picnic party to celebrate. You remember Emerald and Rowan, don't you?"

"Emmy and Rowan, sixteen?" Joe asked, raising his eyebrows. "I hope the picnic will be as good as when they were born, I think I've never had so many different kinds of candy at one party – after all the assortments of cakes and pastries that was there."

Ben rose his eyebrows, too. "I was thinking that'd be Hoss' first memory, not yours." He eyed his middle son, who didn't even seem to notice the bantering. If this behavior didn't stop soon, he ought to have the head of the boy examined just in case.

Joe coughed, and woke Hoss up from his daydreams. "Oh. Uh. Yeah." He grinned sheepishly, partly to apologize for not listening, partly to try to join the conversation. "Sixteen, you said? What is that for an age anyhow?"

"It's more than half of yours, brother."

"And twice of what you're worth, younger brother."

"Stop bickering, boys, and help me unload the buckboard. The horses deserve some rest."

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The sun was settling down to rest for the night somewhere where the vast landscape held its surface open for the sky to touch. Hoss was leaning on the corral fence and resting his other foot on the lower rail. Ben came out of the door, hands in his pockets, keeping his shoulders turned forward in preparation, of inquiry, of a chat, of what exactly, he wasn't sure. But he knew that the first step to find out was the step to reach for his son. Realizing that, he started walking slowly to the corral, and when reaching it he leaned his elbows on the fence in an identical way to his son's. Fixing his eyes beyond the far horizon, in a way that was exactly the same as Hoss's, he searched for the right word to start.

"Hoss."

It took his Hoss a while longer to answer.

"Yes, Pa."

"What's stealing your thoughts, son?" Ben glanced carefully to his son, before he returned his puzzled gaze in the horizon to wait for the red tones of the sunset. "It's not many times that I've seen you forgetting an invitation to a social, especially when it's known all around the territory as one of the best buffets available."

Hoss' face softened. A small smile entered his lips, and his hairline moved a little along with his scalp when he moved his eyebrows, as he was searching for the right line to answer. "It's all right, Pa." He looked down to his crossed fingers resting on the fence rail, and searched for a good beginning for what he had to say for a moment. "Pa..."

"Yes, Hoss?"

"Pa... it's a gal, Pa."

Hoss knew his face was gleaming and he couldn't help for the silly grin escaping out, and the more he tried to keep his emotions moderate, the more of the bubbling joy was being thrust out to the evening.

Ben looked stunned, for a moment, and his eyebrows seemed to search for a way out from his face by being elevated so very high. "A girl?" His eyes widened and the deep brown look was now puzzled and started searching for a stable spot from the ground in front of him. "A girl?" he repeated, looking directly to Hoss, as he couldn't find any sense from anywhere else, either.

"A gal, Pa! And not just any gal... Or not actually a gal at all. I... I reckon she's a real woman."

When the information slowly sunk into Ben's head, his expression turned from mixed to a very happy one. "Hoss, this is real good news!" he shouted, taking the hand of his son and clapping him on the shoulder very hard. "How did you... Where did you find her?" he asked, laughing heartily and gleefully. "Did she jump at you from the deep forest or the heart of the spring?"

Hoss' grin widened an inch more, even though he had already thought he had been stretching the limits of his jaw. "You almost hit it right, Pa. Just almost."

"Well, who is she? Do I know her?" Ben was probing impatiently. His son was not hurt in his head, and the dream for the future was so evident in Hoss' blue eyes that it pushed his laughter almost close to a tender cry instead. But the years he had lived had taught him to control his sentimental side and keep it under his skin.

Hoss, concentrated in his very own thoughts, failed to notice how the hopefulness in his blue eyes was nestling a lump in his father's throat. It was a long time ago that any of the boys had brought such expectations home.

"You may know her a little... It's Elin Nilsson."

Ben's dreams were cut in the middle and he furrowed his brow slightly, observing the name without hurry but withholding reservation. "Widow Nilsson?"

"That's right, Pa." Hoss saw the name bring apprehension on his father's air and gave him time to think it over.

"How is she doing at..." Ben was searching for words, "Linden Brook?"

"Linden's Creek, Pa. She's fine. In fact, the farm is... flourishing." Hoss was looking at the sand in the corral again, but his thoughts were somewhere distant again. "She's done fine, in six years. Raising three kids on her own and making the Creek look like there was nothing missing, ever."

Ben evaluated his words in silence. "Three children, Hoss?"

Hoss smiled, twisting his mouth a bit more to the other side and starting to kick the ground with his boots, tucking his hands in his pockets and creasing his nose a bit. "Three great kids, Pa. I know many people may have their doubts, Pa, but look at us. We turned out quite fine, didn't we?"

Raising his glance back to his father's eyes, reflecting the robust rigor of an invincible and strong man, his eyes were twinkling with so much happiness that Ben felt a bit ashamed of his – very hidden, mind him – thoughts of doubt. Ben's smile was light, but accepting, when he received the end of his thought chain and put his hand heavily on Hoss' shoulder once more. "You sure did, Hoss. You sure did. When do I get to see her, Hoss?"

Hoss fell silent. "I haven't thought of it, Pa." He grinned, a bit sheepishly the second time that day. "I reckon I've been hooked up in a different world so much I done forgot what normal people do."

Ben coughed, cocking one eyebrow to Hoss, and being able to laugh – a bit – about the absent-mindedness that had occurred so much lately. "Tell me about it, son." Relaxing, he smiled at his son and leaned his other elbow to the fence. "Invite her to the Hudson's picnic. It will be fun."

Hoss' furrowed brow smoothed and his hairline wiggled again as different happy emotions ran under the skin on his forehead. "You said it, Pa. I reckon that's just what I'm gonna do."

"You'd better. I have to see who's stolen the right mind of my middle son, who used to be trustworthy as a rock." Ben laughed, now teasingly. "I have to see that she's worth it. Come in, I think this calls in for a brandy."

"In a moment, Pa. You go in." Hoss turned his gaze back to the glistening horizon and waved to his Pa to move on. Ben shrugged, chuckling to himself, and returned to the house.

Hoss stood in the warm summer breezes and let them bounce on his cheeks and in his hair, as he was thinking how he had now revealed the secret of Elin to his Pa. "Ailynn's the most remarkable thing I've ever met", he said softly, whispering it to the warm wind that carried it to the blazing sunset far away.

Maybe the winds were whispering back, carrying messages from places further or closer by, from past generations or the future, who knows? But all Hoss needed to care about now was only one answer. As gentle as a touch of a butterfly, he heard one sound that followed the gentle fingers of the humid air.

"_Hoss_."


	12. Chapter 12

**XII**

It was a hot day. Svartan was sleeping at a shadow behind the porch, hiding under a bush so deep in the darkness that he literally lived up to his name. Hoss dismounted and unsaddled his horse, and let it wander without its bridle. Carrying the saddle to the barn to protect it from the sun, he wondered how it was possible that most of the time when he was at the farm, the animals were there or were not there, and as often as not he saw the fences open or closed. Never had any of the critters been missing or on the run. As much as the sheep seemed to be guarded as much as forgotten by Tor and Sigrid, it seemed to be of abundance how their wool was enough to spin yarn and bring meat to the pot. Chubb took the advantage and stretched its neck, finding shade from the voluptuous trees nearby and scratching his itching shoulder on their trunks.

Stepping out of shade, Svartan turned back to its normal sand-coloured self and came to greet Hoss lazily. "Hey, Swore-tan, ain't this day a blazing hot one?" Hoss scratched the dog behind his ears and saw him squeeze his eyes shut most cordially. Yawning, the dog pushed his head to Hoss' leg, walked few steps towards the water trough to fill his thirst and then returned to its sanctuary in the shadows.

Hoss tried to hear any normal sounds from the house or from the clearing around it, but all he could spot were the faint chirps of the little birds and the bored sniffing of the dog. He took a look inside, but could see only a portion of bread dough rising in a bowl at a considerable rate under a tea towel, and from the tools and chores that had clearly been left out in the air in the middle, he deduced that the lot would be back soon. Perhaps they had gone swimming.

He took one of Fredrik's books in his hands, and flipped through it with a gentle smile on his face. He had become less afraid of these intricate sketches and drafts, as the more he stopped to look at the beauty of the nature that Fredrik had seen in the surrounding country, the more he started to like and appreciate what Fredrik had captured on the paper. Seeing a dandelion ready to be blown in the wind, or an autumn apple tree heavy from the dangling fruit curving its arms over two toddlers running away from each other, or a jumping trout large and fat enough for a demanding bear made him reflect his own land from an angle that was not his but yet so familiar.

The melodic speech in the odd language coming from the path leading to the house interrupted his thoughts, and he closed the book in order to put it back on the shelf. If he had looked a bit longer, he may have seen little feathers to dust off from the book, coming from the little bird's nest from inside its covers. But some things were better left as secrets.

Hoss came to see the family to the front door, and saw them all walking together in plain white shirts and wet hair. They had been swimming, just as he had guessed. Probably talking of who dared to swim the furthest, dive the deepest or jump the longest from the bank, they didn't see Hoss right away, and this gave him an opportunity to just watch how the sun caressed the delicate features of the kids, their pale skins and the golden undertone of Elin's fine hair where the droplets of water shone like little crystals sprinkled on a veil.

"Howdy", he said, trying to keep his tone so soft that it wouldn't break the atmosphere. Elin looked up to him and smiled a wide smile, pretending to be bashful for her garments and childish behavior, and knowing in her gaze how little he also cared of the rules that said she shouldn't be walking with her hair open and dripping wet. Holding her hems a bit up to stop them from getting dirty from her bare feet made her look like she was waving a flag to challenge anybody who'd dare to say that ankles were beyond improper.

"This time you caught us by surprise, _Erik_", she said without a bit of remorse for the condition. "It's a hot day, you should have tried the water too."

There was a lot of regret in Hoss' voice, though, when he admitted that she was right. Elin laughed at his expression, which the children couldn't comprehend. She sent the young ones inside to change to their working clothes, and lifted her hand to touch Hoss's cheek. "You'll catch us next time", she said with a promise in her voice.

Hoss took her hand and touched her knuckles very gently with his lips. "I'll do my best to remember, Ailynn."

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The evening was approaching, but the sun hadn't started to go down. Sigrid was combing her hair that had been messed by the water and plants of the afternoon swim. Rebecka was still outside, playing some sort of game with Svartan which only the two of them could understand, and Tor was concentrating mending his socks, sitting cross-legged in the askew light that came from the window.

Sigrid kept gazing to the horizon from the window and keeping her thoughts fixed in somewhere distant. "_Kan vi bada bastu, Mamma_?" she asked, suddenly.

"A moment", her mother replied. She lifted a coffee pot from the stove in the kitchen and pushed her head to the living room. "What did you say, _sötnos_?"

Sigrid turned her head to her mother and repeated her question in Swedish. Elin returned to the kitchen, took two cups and two small plates from the cupboard and carried to the living room to a small coffee table, setting the table for her and Hoss. Finding a small pitcher with cream and a little jar with sugar, she served them both a cup of hot and strong coffee for dessert. She sat opposite to him and crossed her legs.

"She's asking if we should bathe. Do you feel tired, Hoss?"

"Bathe?" Hoss raised his eyebrows, wondering.

"It's a steam bath, Hoss. It will take some time for the bathing house to be ready, but if _Mamma_ says it's okay to bathe at night, we could warm it up." Tor explained the bathing to Hoss as he was a child, but it didn't make Hoss any wiser. Elin looked at Tor appreciating his try, and crossed her hands over her knees.

"I think in this heat the whole idea is quite silly... but why not? We only couldn't, but we should warm the steam house. After all, we do have a guest. But Tor, I can't see him understanding if he has never tried." Tasting her steaming coffee she had strengthened with a heavy dose of sugar and cream, she directed her gaze at Hoss this time. "It's a tradition... from my grandparents, and my parents took it here. My father's folk came from the north where no maps existed, and they had kin and family in the east. Bathing in steam was as normal to them as bathing in sunlight is to us."

"_Mamma_, let's go light the fires." Sigrid came to her mother and pulled the hem of her mother's dress to pursue her to go out. "We will be right back, Hoss."

"Calm down, sweet girl of mine. We have our coffee to finish." Elin shooed her hand away and created a vexed, annoyed look on her daughter's face. She winked at Hoss. "The girl will overcome that", she said and took another sip. "Isn't this just wonderful, Hoss."

'Quite so, Elin', he thought, but didn't say a word as he knew that around Elin it was usually not that necessary.

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"Normally we should bathe in the daytime, but it's summer. And in the summertime the time isn't counted as it is normally." Elin's soft voice evaporated in the unexpectedly warm air, and when she was leading Hoss to a little house further away, the whole forest seemed to change. Trees were a bit different from the Ponderosa pines, and the spruces and birches unfamiliarly close to each other. Smoke was coming out of the chimney and escaping to the sky that was turning dark blue.

"I will just show you how to, before I leave you alone." Elin and the children had been the first to bathe, and her hair tied in a bun was still dripping wet. "Here." They entered the house that was dark and shady, and Hoss wondered about the stools and the buckets and the two stoves in the corner, the other filled with stones and the other with water.

"Here. You should take hot water from the container and mix it for washing." Elin poured cold water from a large bucket to a smaller one, and ladled hot water from the other stove to warm it up. "And this one..." she pointed at the other stove filled with stones. "You should put some water on it and let the steam clean you well." She ladled again some water on the stones, and sent a biting cloud of steam up in the house, making Hoss duck. Laughing at him, she led him to the door and let him breathe the fresh air outside. "A good host should bathe her guests personally, but knowing your habits and how much they differ from mine, that would ask too much."

He looked at her in astonishment and shock.

She tossed her head back, laughing, and her braid escaped from its ribbon and started to unravel. "Don't worry,_ Erik_, you can have your peace. Leave your clothes out here on the benches and take your time, and don't add any wood if you don't like it. Me and the children are done already, and when you've had enough, just see that the wood will burn to its end. We'll wait in the house."

When she strolled away, Hoss was left at the doorway, wondering again about the world he had been introduced to, and finally decided everything was worth a try. Leaving his clothes outside, he climbed to the benches close to the low ceiling. The fragrance of birch twigs soaking in a bucket in the corner filled the air and worked to clean the pores of his skin. Being troubled by the heat, but allowing the steam and the water to relax his muscles, he slowly felt the relaxing power of the warmth and let it remove all the tension and dust of the past days away from him.

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Going back to the house after the sun had gone down, not being troubled by the odd-placed trees and the pulsating shadows after the meditative steam, Hoss saw the lamps still shining their light from the inside. He was glad the kids were still up, as much as he would have been glad if the only company for him would have been just Elin. Guiding his bare feet through the grass and shamrocks that were covered in dew and mist, he opened the door and came in.

Tor had fallen asleep in the rocking chair, his body having been twisted so that for any human awake it would have been considered as highly uncomfortable and very much impossible. Elin sat on a chair and combed through Rebecka's pale white hair, parting it into small strings and starting to plait it into an intricate figure. Sigrid saw Hoss at the door first, and clapped her hands in delight. "Hoss can do my hair, _Mamma_!"

Elin raised her eyes from the scalp she was hiding under swags and cages of little ribbons and twines, and smiled playfully at Hoss. "Sigrid, if you would be patient you would have your turn. But as you're not, maybe Hoss will!"

Hoss chuckled at the twinkling gray gaze that returned to its previous chore, and bowed his head in amusement. "No, Secret, I reckon I ain't the finest hair-dresser in this territory. You might regret the outcome."

"_Mamma_ will show you how." The girl pulled another chair next to her mother, and sat cross-legged in front of it. "Sit."

Elin laughed in her chiming way and patted the chair. "Come. It isn't that hard."

Hoss felt embarrassed. He hung his hat and his vest and his shirt on a kitchen chair, placed his boots leaning against the wall near the doorway and folded the cuffs of his undershirt up a bit. He walked in and sat very carefully behind Sigrid. "I ain't sure if these big hands of mine are worth of even trying", he grumbled while holding his reserved and awkward stature.

Elin gave him a sideways glance from under her brow, and dropped the little braids she had been playing with with Rebecka's hair, tousled it all lose and free into locks as soft as cotton, and rested her other hand palm up to show Hoss. "Look at these, _Erik_."

Though knowing their touch but never having examined how they were in reality, Hoss was amazed by the fingers that were as long as any ordinary man's, and the fingertips and knuckles that were firm but fleshy, and despite the work she had to do in order to keep the farm in order, the skin on her large hands was even and bouncy unlike the calloused hand of Hoss which he lifted next to hers. Hoss looked in silence and examined the similar lines on the palms that crossed both Elin and his hands, and slowly his hands stopped to look clumsy and awkward.

"If I can do it, you can do it", Elin said with confidence, and patted Hoss's knee, assuring him to try. "Look. We start simply. Comb out three strands from the front..." her soft voice faded off and she encouraged Hoss to follow her lead, picking small strands from the little girl's hair and showing how to twine them into figures. Hoss felt clumsy to begin, being afraid that he'd hurt Sigrid by pulling her hair and making twirling tangles by accident; but Elin laughed at him and told him to try more. "There's nothing you can't undo, if it goes wrong", she said. "And don't try to pull the hair to where it doesn't want to go; then it will only look bad and beside hurt my Sigrid very much."

Hoss couldn't help his tongue from coming out from his mouth and traveling from left to right between his teeth, while the whole of his body was crunched awkwardly over the little girl, if only the exercise could have made it gentler for the girl. "Are you sure I ain't hurting you too much, Secret?"

"Your fingers are like big ants on my head, they tickle", Sigrid giggled, and leaned her body against his calf. "I will tell you if it hurts. Go on."

Combing and undoing the thick hair of the girl, so much different in texture than her mother's fine and weightless hair lest for the identical color, Hoss was able to relax slowly and start to enjoy the errand, seeing how his hands could replicate what Elin showed and feeling how the girls under their feet were almost purring like cats. When finally Sigrid yawned so hard that it nearly made her jaws crack, her mother decided it was the final plait and well time for the girls to go to bed. Tying the hair with ribbons and sending the girls to the outhouse, Elin smiled distantly before she returned her attention to Hoss.

"It wasn't so hard, was it, Hoss?" She took his hand in her own warm one and squeezed it a little. "You are a great learner."

Hoss examined her high cheekbones, her silvery pale eyebrows and her mystical gray gaze, and turned the lamp off leaving them both in the middle of curved shadows. "It made me nearly forgot for what I came here for", he said, and stroked the fine hair along Elin's face and wondered about its light appearance while it fell on her shoulders as a cloud of mist.

"Sit with me on the porch", she said, as they heard the sounds of the girls coming back. She sent the little ones under the blankets and guided Hoss to the porch by his hand, and sat down on the highest step, leaning her back against the door.

An owl hooted somewhere in the woods, and the whisper of small feet of the running mice was almost audible. Hoss sat next to Elin, and after hesitating for a moment, he reached his arm over her shoulders and pulled her tightly against him. Resting his chin on her head and stroking her hair with the hand, he spoke softly to her as the other hand searched to find hers and tangle their fingers together. "I want to take you to see my family", he said, and pressed his lips on her forehead.

"Speak tomorrow", she said in a whisper, and pressed even tighter against his body.


	13. Chapter 13

**XIII**

"You want me to go to a church social, or whatever you call it."

Elin tossed her neck and made her mane tousle. Realizing that, she tied it in a simple bun and grabbed for something close enough to hold it in one piece, finding a pair of knitting needles and sticking them in to do the trick. "I don't know why they even call it a social when it's a chance of so many people to be very mean." Her words were bouncing in the odd intonation again, being returned to her original language and rising and falling in tone and pitch like a bugle.

Hoss closed his eyes and opened them only to be forced to cast his gaze down. He was trying to think how to soften Elin's reaction and find the right words to change her mood, but he didn't really know the answer. "Look. Now. All I wanted to do was to ask you to meet my folks, and the picnics are supposed to be fun."

"And yet you managed to ask me not to meet only your family, but a thousand other strangers who will stare at me and judge my children."

This wasn't going too good for Hoss.

She crossed her arms over her chest and did something that combined a sulk and a pout. If it hadn't been so important for Hoss, he would have laughed at her expression openly. But it was, and he had to remove the explosive triggers away from her to shield her from that attitude.

"Ailynn." He lifted his eyes up and tried to be as sincere as he could, trying to talk soothingly. "It's an event where people sit on blankets and eat a lot of good food, play games and talk."

"I can cook very well myself and I'm not too fond of the talk."

"That's not just it, Ailynn." Hoss was getting more discouraged all the time. "For the ladies, it's among the only ways to get to dress up a little."

Elin had turned her back to Hoss, and turned quickly to face him, lifting her arms to her cheeks. "_A dress_!" she screamed terrified about of the mere thought. "I don't have a new dress!"

"I'll take you to Virginia City and buy you a nice one, and the gals too. A suit for Thor, and a string tie to boot."

"I don't _want_ your dresses. I don't want your gifts."

"Take it as a debt, then."

"You don't owe me anything."

There, Hoss could have disagreed a lot, but decided to speak no words. He watched Elin pout and walk to and fro for a moment, and after he'd seen enough, he stood up and grabbed Elin's arms in his hands.

"What's eating you, for real, Ailynn?"

She made an effort to release herself from his iron grip in vain. "Nothing."

Hoss examined her from chin to the scalp and back, and returned his eyes to her gray ones. "Don't lie to me, Ailynn, you ain't very good at that." He saw her jaw clench a bit. "I can see there's somethin' you ain't telling me now, and I can't watch you go on like this."

Elin turned her stare away from his face and started to look intensely to the sugar and cream on the coffee table. Hoss bowed his head and tried to catch her vision, but she kept avoiding his face and pushing her lower lip forward. "Ailynn, just look at me. I don't wanna keep you hidden here for the rest of my life. Or yours for that matter."

He could see blush emerging over her pale cheeks and her stare to start wavering, and a foil of dew covered her eyes as something was clearly making her feel upset. Hoss held her arms tight. "I can escort you every minute if the party ain't to your liking, Ailynn. I'll take you away if it's a terror."

"I don't need your protection or... or... gentlemanness!" she spat on at his chest, when she couldn't find the word for chivalry in her head. It was paradoxical to see such a glum glare under a brow when the eyebrows were so invisible in their colour.

Hoss didn't release his hold on her. "That's what I like so much about you, Ailynn. You don't need me."

She stopped her pouting right when she heard the words, and looked to him in surprise. He continued to talk to her, now that he finally gotten his turn. "You are free as a bird and strong as a mountain lion, and sometimes even stubborn as a mule. But you were doing fine before I met you. You still are, even if I were not here. You don't need me."

Her eyes were wide and for a moment she had forgotten her own bitterness.

"My heart would wither like a flower if I didn't know every day that you existed somewhere, Hoss, and yet you can say I don't need you?" She bit her lower lip and started to struggle out of Hoss' firm hands. "Let go of me and I will squeeze such stupid ideas out of your thick head."

The longing in her eyes almost tricked Hoss to let go, but he forced his hands to hold her down for a moment longer. "Elin, I want to show people I'm real proud of you being with me. Because you don't need but you want."

She struggled under her composure with tearing emotions, and Hoss looked to her eyes and tried to understand the reasons behind the colours of shame, apprehension, sadness, annoyance, wariness and the hint of fear that ran over her deep, vulnerable eyes. Finally, she spoke. "But they'll look at me and... say I'm odd."

"Nobody'll say such a thing, silly gal." Hoss tried to cast her confidence back through the hold of his hands, but Elin was shrunk like a little child.

"Yes, they will all say I am odd and I don't belong there. And that my hats are old and my children don't behave. They judge me by my looks and because of where I come from, and they say because of my parents I can never even be a decent woman." She sniffed, and started pouting, and trembled a little in Hoss' firm hands. "And after all the thoughts they have formed of me, they start treating my children the same and... and... judge them after me without even looking at them."

Hoss thought it wise to leave out a comment about who was being prejudiced now, and caught Elin's eyes with his own blue gaze. "Ailynn. Tell you what. I'll bring you to my folks first, for a dinner, and you can decide if you like it. Come to the picnic if you like my family."

For the first time Hoss could see that Elin was actually considering the option. "I could do that", she said cordially after she paused to think. Weighing Hoss with her stare as if she could have weighed the worth of the whole family, she asked: "Are they as good as you, Hoss, or do they... expect things of me?"

Hoss grinned at her comment, and released his hold of her arms. "They might be a bit more fixed to what they reckon the good folks are, but in their hearts they're all good people." Touching her pointy nose with his forefinger, he offered an assuring smile. "You'll be all right, you're a good filly."

A twist at the corner of her lip told Hoss, that she had almost let a smile escape on her face, and his heart was filled with victorious joy. She was coming home with him!

Elin turned her back to Hoss, and a slight trembling at her shoulders told she was laughing. Hoss stepped close behind her and pulled the knitting needles away from her hair. "I prefer it a lot like this", he teased, and let his fingers run through the released locks that spread out from their cage in front of him.


	14. Chapter 14

**XIV**

"I've made an agreement with our cook, Hop Sing. I'll bring you for a dinner on next Friday." Hoss held his hat from the rim and didn't waver a bit when Elin shot tomahawks at him with her stare. "I made sure you can bring your kids over, too, so you don't have to leave Thor babysitting Secret and Rebbeca for the whole night alone, too."

"They are old enough to not require a babysitter", Elin slipped, before she hid her mouth with her hand. Her eyes widened, as she realized that she had actually been invited somewhere. And accepted the invitation, for that matter. "I don't have anything to wear."

Hoss laughed at her and scooped her up in his arms like she was as little as Rebecka. "You'll come wearing a flour sack if you like, as long as you come."

Elin breathed strongly against his neck and inhaled the scent of rough life outdoors from him and his skin and his leather vest. As usual, Hoss couldn't see why she did so and how on earth it could've been a pleasure; but he let her nest her face against his neck where the stubble was already growing so fast you could hear, although he had shaven well in the morning. "Don't say so or I just might", she giggled in a way that made his throat tremble.

"I'm happy you chose to come, Elin."

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Hoss was waiting for Elin to get dressed, as for this one and only moment she had insisted on privacy and discretion. Having had two brothers who were quite a sensation among the ladies, Hoss, too, had acquired an instinct to wait when a woman asked to wait, and also an instinct to show surprise at the beauty of any particular dress or a fashion chosen, even though he couldn't have thought of any curtain or a carpet that would have draped her lady in an unjust way.

In the middle of wondering how well Elin would in fact appear wearing a curtain over her body and a travelling bag as her hat, Hoss was interrupted from his imagination as Elin pushed her head out from the kitchen door. "Hoss, I need your help. I can't... tie myself in." She furrowed, as she didn't know the expression.

"You need somebody to lace you up, is that it?" Hoss raised his eyebrows and took off his brown coat, and felt a sudden blush arising to his cheeks when he thought that as a young boy he would have secretly enjoyed this task very much. Well, quite openly, to be honest. He took a moment's pause to shrug off any thoughts of such whimpering adolescence and stepped in.

Elin was facing her back to him and trying to pull the laces behind her waist to tuck in the corset, but her strength wasn't enough to keep the knots tight. She couldn't pull the strings against a bedpost or a doorknob, as there were none firm enough, and now she was standing with her dress half-done, the pine green hems flourishing to all directions at the same time as the bodice was hanging loose in front of her.

"Are you sure this is all right?" Hoss asked and took hold of the laces.

"Go on. The dress won't go on me if you don't." The intonation jumped up and down, with its foreign clang hung to the air.

He laced her an inch smaller from first parts from up and bottom of the corset, and saw her wincing under the pressure. "Ailynn... "

"Go on. I'll be tough."

He pulled the garment a bit tighter yet, closing the gap a bit more but leaving the waist and diaphragm area ajar enough for her to breathe while getting ready for a tighter pull. She stood panting, without saying a word, and held to the wall while she all of a sudden seemed weak as an autumn leaf.

His expression changed from worried to bothered, when he saw her cheeks grow pale and the tip of her nose a bit red. The normal glow of the cinnamon freckles was dumped and a veil of gray swept over her face. "This can't be good, Ailynn, when's the last time you've been wearing this... thing?"

Disgust was dropping out of his tongue, but he didn't care. If it took so much of his precious Elin, he could as well burn the dadburn thing. He didn't want to have it anywhere near the house if it shackled her into something she wasn't.

"Before my... some years ago", she squeaked, and held her composure while resting her arms on the wall. "Pull, it's this close. I was even more... plump... back then."

Hoss didn't believe her for an inch. "I ain't gonna pull this cage any tighter on you, Elin. I'm taking you to see my family and if it requires you to break your ribs in this thing, it ain't worth it."

She dropped her head down, staggering as the air wasn't able to fill her lungs and her blood wasn't throbbing so vigorously anymore. "I'm sorry, Hoss."

"You... Dang if you are, you shouldn't be, silly gal", he muttered while he loosened the laces a bit from the chest and fixed the waistline as tight as he dared. He motioned her to try the bodice on. "It's about two inches open. Can you release the seams or somethin'?"

Elin peeled out from the bodice and turned the seams inside out, touching the lining and the outer fabric with her fingers gently and examining the seamstress work beneath her fingers. "I think... I think it might be enough." She wasn't breathing all normally, yet, but Hoss forgave her for her vanity. This time.

After all, she had chosen to come.

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Hoss patted Elin's knee one more time in assurance, when he finally reined the buggy in at the Ponderosa yard. She had left the children at her farm, because despite of all the good excuses, Hoss could tell she was just plumb insecure. Lack of confidence didn't fit her character at all, but it was her first dinner out of her queendom for a very long time, and Hoss mused her. He'd have time to show the kids to the Ponderosa, too.

Thor had promised to protect his sisters until the 'wailing end', though Hoss hoped he never had to come across that promise directly. By this time, though, Hoss was certain they would have tried all the sugar and pastries they could find from the house, they would have played a dozen of games and wrestled and fought over the end results at least as many times, and though screaming and yelling at each other tonight, the children would never admit to any such thing tomorrow. If a plate or a piece of a chair leg would be broken, it would have happened all by itself, without any of their help and in complete solitude.

Nobody was standing outside when Hoss pulled the reins of the horses and helped Elin down from the cart, but the curiosity of the rest of the family was still thick enough to be touched at the yard. Elin tucked her pine green dress one more time to see that the hastily fixed seams would hold in the right place, and made sure that the green plume was fastened firmly in her hair. She had curled a couple of locks very carefully with a coal poke as the final thing to do, and the soft shimmer of the silky hair made Hoss hold his breath when he looked her in the askew light of the porch lantern.

"How do I look, Hoss?"

"As if you escaped from heaven itself."

He saw that she was pleased, even though her answer was a slap on his arm. "Stop flattering", she murmured, before she took a controlled breath to face the Cartwright family. "Let's go in."

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Little Joe came outside. Hoss had hitched the horses in front of the buggy and was leaning his back against it. Joe circled the buggy and came next to his brother, putting his hands to his pockets and leaning to the buggy, too. "She's really quite somethin", he said, watching the profile of his brother in the evening light.

"Ain't she?" Hoss said softly with a grin that creased his nose, and kicked the ground under his feet. Under his skin, though, he was really proud of the unreserved liking that Joe had shown, and the delighted laughter of his Pa when he had been answered by the radiant smile of Elin, and the captivated glance of Adam when he had found out how challenging she was to debate. Her answers were unexpected, and her disarming smile that wasn't covered by any paints or powders was sincere enough to leave the brothers and the Pa to wonder what exactly it was that they had heard.

Joe chuckled, and bowed his head for a moment. "Though I had to admit I was a bit scared when I had to face her eye-to-eye", he said, and made Hoss remember how surprised he had been to notice her out of average height, that had been quite hidden in the solitude of the farm. Compared to him, she appeared short, like most of the people did. He had thought of her as a slender little figure, frail as a flower petal, but all of the sudden she had become a strong and alluring creature like any ribbon prized thoroughbred. Even her appetite was good enough to match Joe's, as she was curious to try all the treats Hop Sing had created for them, and the tight laces of the corset that had bothered her very much couldn't stop her from enjoying the delicacies of the table or having a third plate of dessert.

"Yeah", Hoss agreed, remembering how she had declined from singing when Adam offered to bring down his guitar. 'I sing to the trees and the birds and the meadows, only', she had replied, and her eyes had glimmered as she explained, that she knew none of the American songs and even the ones in her own tongue had been long dead and forgotten by now. "She is really quite somethin'."

She had feared there would have been nothing in common to talk about. And yet, there had been a lot of common words that she shared with the Cartwrights, about her family and where they came from, what she did for her living at the farm and how she knew the landscape and its various moods. How she had been schooling her kids at home to teach them to count and to read, even with the little of English that she knew to write, and how the forests and the mountains that shielded their borderland was very dear to all of them. Independence that she had had to acquire after her husband's death had been mixed with a wonderful carelessness that had made Hoss stare at her all night, knowing that he was being goofy, yet without being able to stop.

Joe took his hand from his pocket and patted the arm of his brother. "I'm real glad you went up there and found her", he said, with the look of his eyes expressing a lot more than his simple words.

Hoss creased his nose in yet another goofy grin and pressed his lips together for an even goofier face. He tried to be something else than goofy, but feeling as if he floated on bubbles and petals all the time, he couldn't be but goofy. "I'm glad you like her, brother."

The door opened and Ben escorted Elin gallantly to the yard. He held her hand and pressed it against his arm a bit longer, to say farewells, and walked her to the buggy before releasing his hold. He helped her up with a shade less ease than Hoss would have, but with grace that implied that in his youth he might have been close. "I thank you, Elin, for the lovely company at dinner with our humble household."

She smiled and her white teeth lighted up the shade of the night like a little star for a moment. "Ben Cartwright, it's me who should thank you for such a delightful evening. I'm much obliged to be invited", she said, and was bid farewell by a quick kiss on her knuckles by the older Mr. Cartwright.

"Feel welcome any time", he offered. "You are quite something, Elin Nilsson."

"Adam, Joseph..." she nodded to the other brothers and jerked back when Hoss slapped the reins and encouraged the horses to move. As they departed into the night, they left three cowboys behind them in an identical pose, all of them leaning their fists to their belts under the tails of their coats, wondering in their heads what had struck them and where it was from.

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"I liked it a lot, Hoss", Elin spoke from behind a veiled inward smile that had overcome her pointy features on the way back. "I want to come and see this picnic with you."

She stretched her legs and revealed a pair of thin leather slippers that she had been able to hide from the family under her hems the whole evening. As much as they had searched from her trunks and the barns, they hadn't found her a normal pair of shoes for the dinner and in the end they had had to settle for what she wore in her chores. It was their little secret, at which they were both laughing in an art of modest conspiracy.

As she started to sing softly to the night, allowing the silvery tone of her bright voice to caress over Hoss' ears and escape to the darkness around them, Hoss was drowned in a mixture of pride, belonging and gratefulness over what her reaction had been back at his home. He captured and hid a secret feeling of happiness in his heart, because he knew from her humming that she let him belong to the land and the scenery to which she gave her melody.

She was really quite something.


	15. Chapter 15

**XV**

Hoss stepped out of the front door and patted his damp neck with his hand, checking if he had missed any spots while shaving, and squinted his eyes to the sun. Seeing Adam up at the yard was not a surprise; it was, however, a surprise to see a wiry chestnut pony and her rider, Tor. The boy was talking to Adam at complete ease. Adam was leaning his hand to the well so that it was easier for him to meet the boy's eyes, and Tor was letting his mare drink the fresh water while he himself was holding her bridle. Oddly enough the boy had bridled the horse; but familiar enough, he had yielded to ride without a saddle as he was used to.

Adam was smiling at the boy and inquiring something of him, and Tor was responding as well as he could and returning a citation or two for Adam himself, making him bare his teeth in laughter a couple of times and winking to the boy in alliance. Hoss wondered why the boy had called in for in the first place, and as he started to ponder it further, Tor finally noticed the big man watching and waved his hand at him in excitement.

Adam straightened up and patted the boy on the shoulders as he leaned his back to the water pump and crossed his arms, curling his palms around his elbows in a relaxed way. "Well, good morning, Hoss", he said with a rising intonation that Hoss knew he used only when he wanted to tell that whoever it was he was talking with, would be gaining a lot of new and undoubtedly interesting information.

"Hi, Thor." Hoss stalked off from the porch to catch the trough, and thought to tousle the boy's hair. Eyeing him closer, he decided not to, as he noticed that the boy was wearing an air of a better day on him. He wore a pair of full-length trousers instead of his normal short ones. He had also covered his checkered white and gray shirt with a black vest which was covered in fine stitches that formed very geometrical ornaments all around the bodice. His hair was parted very neatly from the left and greased to hold in place, and not one single hair escaped from the carefully parted straight line. What he hadn't surrendered to was only a hat. Hoss wondered, if he in fact had a pair of special eyes that were not hurt by the sun at all. "What's the special occasion, kid?"

"Mother said that we're going to Virginia City and you've promised to come with us."

Hoss' eyes widened to expose the full canvas of the sky blue shine, and his eyebrows rose to a substantial extent. "I did, did I?"

"She took the buggy and sent me ahead, as I'm faster like this with _Gumman_." He patted the mare affectionately and she answered with a long blow through her flaring nostrils.

"But I didn't even have my breakfast just yet", Hoss mumbled, rubbing the back of his head and thinking feverishly if he should wear his best, take some money, have letters, do something or remember something before Elin would appear. How had the shaving been, again? He had to touch his neck once more. He had missed a spot.

Tor looked at Hoss from under his brow, while he was scratching the neck of Gumman under Adam's keen observation. "You shouldn't miss your breakfast, Hoss", the boy said with a smile. "_Mamma_ don't like it when people don't appreciate to eat. She told many times how she'd not look at somebody for long, if he wouldn't enjoy the food enough."

Adam tossed his head back, laughing sincerely, and turned his attention to the boy. "She sure has found a gastronomic miracle in Hoss, then", he said with a twinkle in his eye and mischief in his tone. "You should be careful, Hoss, not to lose any more weight."

"I done lost no..." Hoss' voice faded, as he counted the holes in his belt. "Daggummit, I better see that Hop Sing will pack me some decent good snack and another one on top of that", he grumbled, while Tor and Adam were laughing in unison at his bothered expression. "How far did you say they were riding already, Thor? How long before they'll reach us?"

"Oh, you'll have at least an hour, Hoss. We separated quite early."

Hoss peered at the boy over the ridge of his nose. "And you dad burn flew over the distance, now, did you?"

Tor twisted the reins of Gumman around the reel and grinned. "Maybe that's just what I did." He stroked a few times over the shoulders of his horse, where remarkably little sweat had perspired to form any foam on the skin. He walked over to see to the corral, where more horses were spending very idle time, and climbed on the fence to look at the beautiful animals.

Adam leaned his body closer to Hoss, and tilted his head while keeping his eyes on Tor. "A great kid", he said with a great deal of interest and simple curiosity in his voice.

Hoss nodded, and was happy to see the front teeth of his brother protruding a bit forward while he just looked at Tor, who had stretched his hand and invited a spotted pony to come and poke it to greet him with their own common language. "I'd better get me some of that breakfast", he said, and woke Adam from his wondering.

"Yes, you better think you should. You're going shopping."

Hoss had turned to stalk away, but Adam's last line made him turn slowly to face him again, with a sneer, complete surprise and a stunning little shade of astonishment plain on his face. "_Shopping?_"

"Don't worry, little brother. It'll be fun." Adam patted his arm reassuringly and strolled to the house with his peculiar walk, which didn't reveal whether he was amused or just thinking of something completely different.

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When Elin arrived with the girls, the whole Cartwright family had suddenly found something highly important to do at the opening of the road that led away from the ranch. She steered in the spotted pony and her small buggy to the yard and greeted all of the men in turn, smiling disarmingly at Joe, Adam and Ben, and saving her chiming giggle for Hoss. "I saw that my Tor reached you in time", she said, and jumped down, more with haste than elegance. Hoss took her hand and squeezed it a little, while pursing his lips together to save his smile only for her.

"He did, you can be sure, dear Ailynn. I guess I did promise you a dress or two." A shade of sincere gratefulness travelled over her misty gray gaze, before she hid the secrets that were left between her and Hoss and turned around to face the family. "Here are my children. Tor you have already met." Joe winked at the little boy, while Ben nodded to Elin gracefully and Adam just remained in his lean, examining her face as if he had just seen it for the first time.

Elin walked to the buggy and put her hand over Rebecka's shoulder, as she was closer to her. Both girls were sitting very seriously, glaring in a very reserved way from under their blonde brows and fixing their eyes with a heavy stare on each and every one of the men they had not met before. Elin shook her head slightly, and lifted Rebecka down and pulled Sigrid from her hand to come close to the edge to jump down from the buggy with the help of her arms. When both of the girls were just standing in front of her, leaning against her hems, she pushed the girls towards Ben and made them lift their feet step by step, as they had to avoid falling down from her push, and got them to advance the silver-haired man with the help of sheer force.

"Hold out your hands, this here is Hoss's _Pappa_." Ben knelt down to look at the girls straight into their faces and kept his posture open for approach. He held out his hand and from the rough nudge from their mother, both Sigrid and Rebecka squeezed his forefinger very quickly before hiding their hands behind their backs again.

"Well, I guess it's a start", Ben said, chuckling at the stunned expressions of the girls and leaning to his folded knee. "You gals can call me Uncle Ben." As the girls continued their frozen stares, he added: "When you decide you're ready to call me something."

Elin directed her gaze at Joe and Adam, and tucked the girls from their hands to move a bit faster. "Sigrid", she said and pushed the older girl forward. "And this other one is Rebecka."

"Howdy, there, little ladies, you look real pretty and nice!" Joe said, smiling with his best shining grin and squeezing his eyebrows to a girl-charming pose. Rebecka turned to her mother's skirts and hid her face, while Sigrid just kept her posture frozen, as if she didn't know which one to fear more, Adam or Joe. Adam appeared to stifle a chuckle, while Joe's amiable charm was shattered and the looks of different shades of puzzlement went over his face.

Hoss walked towards them and lifted Sigrid to his arms, and she hid her face at his neck in the mixture of terror and trembling shyness. "Hey, there, little gal", he said to her gently and pulled her face up with his forefinger under her chin. "You ain't afraid of my brothers, here, are you?"

Sigrid bit her lip and looked to the rest of the Cartwrights her eyes wide as windows, but at least she dared to look from the secure arms of Hoss.

"You didn't expect brothers like your Thor, little ones like you?" he chuckled, and squeezed the frail figure of the girl in his hands encouragingly. "Well, if you ain't seen, I am a grown-up like your Ma. And my brothers are, too." From the corner of his eye he could see Elin stifle a smile and lift Rebecka on her arms, before he continued. "We all used to be little – well, I was never too little myself, from what I've heard – but then we have Little Joe here whom we call Little Joe still even when he's big. Adam's just somethin' your Thor will be too, when he grows up."

"And our Pa here is as old as heaven itself, I reckon", said Adam, and received a deadly weapon called 'Ben Cartwright's look' upon him. Which made his grin a trifle merrier.

Sigrid was fiddling with the buttons on Hoss' shirt absently, and then she examined Hoss' face as if seeing it for real the first time. Slowly, she turned her face back to Joe and Adam, and eyed the direcction of Ben very carefully, too, and decided it was safe. She kicked herself out of Hoss' arms and held her hand out to Adam.

"Sigrid Nilsson", she said a trifle apprehensively, and Adam hid a smile and took her hand very gently.

"My pleasure, little Secret", he said with a bow, and kissed her knuckles, faint and elegant. "I've heard a lot about you."

Joe knelt down and took the hand of Sigrid before she could fight back. Kissing it a bit more rigorously than his brother, he was able to make the girl smile a bit, before she pulled her hand back and hid it under her chin in the company of the other little fist.

"I guess we'd better hurry", Elin said, and Adam and Joe waved their fingers to Rebecka, who was peering at them a bit more curiously and a shade less warily. "Let's see if the girls will be more talkative another time", she said a bit exasperated, and almost threw the little one to the buggy. Hoss did some math in his head and thought, that the girls had had to get up very early – to add up to the all new shyness that he had never really experienced himself.

Hoss took Sigrid in his arms and tossed her once into the air, making her scream in delight, before he settled her gently at the back of the buggy too. He mounted Chubb and checked that his money was still in his vest pocket, and tipped the rim of his hat for a farewell. Tor jumped on his chestnut mare using the help of the fence, and followed the buggy on one side while Hoss rode the other.

Ben, Adam and Joe were left at the yard, each one of them crossing their arms over their chests and peering towards the trail of the little group, without quite knowing yet what their impression of the little scene really was.

"Quite a little family", said Adam.

"A wonder how Hoss got there and found them", said Ben.

"I think he went to look for where nobody else saw", said Little Joe.

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Elin was trying to stifle a smirk and withhold an escaping chuckle, and Hoss had to look to the rocks and the trees by the road to avoid her gaze, so that he, too, could stupefy his grin. Showing the children hadn't been such a success as Elin had probably planned, but she didn't seem to be ashamed about the encounter – in fact, she seemed to be pulsating under her skin quite ready to fall apart from laughter the more she reflected on the little interlude.

"Hoss", she said after some miles, when she had gained a bit of her composure. "I'm glad you didn't object to come."

Hoss fixed his blue eyes on her face, traveling his gaze lazily over her sharp cheekbones and the arch of the pointy nose, over her golden freckles and the twinkle of her eyes that were deep under her pointy brow, and smiled an open smile without any particular aim. "It's the least I can do, and I did promise you any new garment to please you for the picnic, didn't I?" He winked at her and listened to her dancing giggle on the gentle summer breezes that blew but didn't feel to move the air anywhere.

"You must be a man worth your promise,_ Erik_."

For some reason, the confession made Hoss blush and hide his face under the rim of his hat, as it made his heart expand so much that he feared it would escape his chest.

"I try to be, Elin. I sure try."


	16. Chapter 16

**XVI**

"Eelyn Nielson, my goodness! What brings you to town on such an odd day and in broad daylight for a change?" Mrs. Bannister clapped her hands together and wiped away some sweat that was bound to appear on her forehead because of the numerous frills and ruffles on her blouse.

"Mrs. Bannister, what a delight." Elin walked to the shopkeeper's wife and shook hands with her. "I didn't come here with wool or with embroidery. I'm just coming in for... supplies." She left out the part of buying a new dress and the boxes of gadgets for Thor and the girls that were waiting in the buckboard outside.

Hoss looked so surprised, that Mrs. Bannister saw a chance for a flattery and opened her mouth. "Hoss Cartwright, how good to see you. You might not even know that this lady here is the finest yarn-maker in this territory. The way she dyes and spins, I thought the other women down here among the normal folks would run out of business in a year or two."

Elin blushed at the compliment, and eyed Hoss almost childishly. "Guess I forgot to tell you", she said, and turned her attention to Mrs. Bannister. "I just came in to see if you have some new cotton, for my girls, and my house, Mrs. Bannister."

"It ain't nobody who could spin yarn like Eelyn Nielson", Mrs. Bannister said and breathed heavily under her ruffled shirt. Elin was withholding a laughter at the same time as Hoss was trying to find a way to evaporate from under her endless curiosity. She talked more in order to keep them in, so that she could fish out for a rumour or two. "Tell me what, Mrs. Nielson, you just name the day when you come back with your wool and I'll have 'em ladies all lined up to fight over the fine yarn of yours. It ain't too long it stays on the shelves, let me say so myself."

Elin smiled at her gleefully, accepting the compliment as she knew Mrs. Bannister, for all of her talk and tattle, always had a seed of truth in her mouth. And Hoss was happy to hear the news, too. Mrs. Bannister may have been the most talkative and most curious gossip around Virginia city, but her interface with the people always started from the point of believing for the best of them – even if it only made her more prone to see the unlucky ones to fall from a higher pedestal. What she told Elin was straight from her heart, and if there wasn't a yarn maker in the whole wide West who could beat Elin's skills according to Mrs. Bannister, she must have been the best in the whole continent of America.

Mrs. Bannister winked at Hoss, a bit too intruding but also enough in the aim of a compliment. "It was time somebody went up there and saw what the cottage is hiding in it; by the shining looks of 'em wool in all the shades of autumn from the moss green to lingon red, I've been wun'dring if it gets terrible lonely at that borderland."

Her comment made Elin wave her hand to understate her meaning, but her laughing eyes carried a feminine understanding to the direction of Mrs. Bannister as she tried to say that the Creek wasn't all that isolated. "Show me the nicest lace of the latest arrival, Mrs. Bannister. I need a dozen yards of it for my little girls."

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Elin had tried on all the dresses that were hanging ready-made in the last rack at the seamstress' room. Finding nice dresses for the girls had been relatively easy, as they were easier from their age and their figures, and settling Tor into a little suit was very rewarding, too, as it was quite obvious that in a few years of time he would start growing into a very manly form.

Hoss could have envied the proud smile of Elin over her oldest boy, as it clearly carried the feelings of any parent in one little gesture of fixing the string tie and holding the shoulders for a moment. But his envy had no substance, because he, too, felt proud for the boy and happy over the fact that he could invite them to this little adventure to Virginia City. Though Elin could have resisted his money and declined his charity, she had surrendered to the fact that she would be dependent on him, for this once at least, and Hoss was happy that she didn't make an issue out of it.

He wanted her to shine. He didn't have to count.

Elin released the breath she had been holding for a while, when Mrs. Walters said she couldn't close the dress properly. It didn't look too promising. Her figure just didn't fit; for all that she was firm and slim, and her curves, where necessary, were not bulging or blubbery or sloppy, she was just plain too tall and strongly built to meet the requirements of the Virginia City fashion.

Mrs. Walters pulled the bodice of the odd yellow dress – more the color of snot than of the daffodil Mrs. Walters had so genuinely praised – and clucked her tongue in deep vexation. Her voice reflected a hint of desperation, too. "It ain't no good, Mrs. Eelyn, it just ain't."

Hoss could have told her that from the first glance at the color right away, but Mrs. Walters had insisted that Elin try it. For much of the reason that it was the last dress she had left in her racks, anymore.

"You see, I could loosen up the seams enough to close it, but it will never give enough of the hem to cover your shoes." Saying that, she glared at Hoss, who she considered an uninvited guest in this sanctuary of women, and whom she thought should have been kept outside where the other kids were waiting.

Hoss lifted his right leg that had been resting on the left one, in order to be able to cross the left one over the right one. The look on the face of Mrs. Walters was amusing him more and more all the time, and he didn't want to miss a second.

Elin stroked the slimy green frills mixed to the undertone of a sickly yellow one, and nodded to the judgment of Mrs. Walters. "You are most right, Mrs. Walters. This would not do at all." She turned back to a pile of dresses she had tried already, and rejected a pale blue one right away. Considering for a moment a black skirt and a jacket of a faint coral pink, she put the combination aside and judged a dark blue dress with a white frills over the neckline in her hands. Deciding it wouldn't do, she shoveled it on top of a darker red dress with a very daring neckline, and held out for a dark green velvet dress where a hat with an orange plume would come together. She decided it was not worth of it, either. "I think you can hang them up, Mrs. Walters, these here are not for me."

As the seamstress started to gather the rejected garments away, Elin picked a dress of a color of tile red and examined it in front of her. "The birthday was for... Rowan, didn't you say?" she asked Hoss, without needing and answer. "The color reminds me of their berries. I'll try this once more." She disappeared behind doors and curtains to change the garment, and returned a moment later holding the bodice up with her hands.

"Mrs. Walters, how could we fix this for me for Sunday?"

Hoss bit his cheeks very hard to stop from laughing at the pure horror on Mrs. Walter's face. "Well, Mrs. Eelyn, we can put some extension to the waist and the bust..." She blushed, realizing Hoss was there. He kept his composure without even a glimpse of twinkle in his eyes, and held his expression serene and rather stupid. He had learned to do so in the past, since many times, holding a straight face and an empty gaze had given him a good chance to hear some very interesting dialogue.

Elin acted with a courteous manner. "Then we'll see that we do some extensions to the bodice, Mrs. Walters. Does it bother that the waistline is a bit too high?"

"Oh, Mrs. Eelyn, nobody will be able to tell it the way you carry it."

Hoss agreed on that judgment completely and wholeheartedly.

Mrs. Walters had one more problem, though. "Mrs. Eelyn, what could we... how should we... the hem is more than a half a foot too high." She wrestled her hands in agony and blushed again, remembering that Hoss was both listening and watching the pair of well-formed ankles of 'Mrs. Eelyn' on his chair. Elin hid a chuckle in a cough and lowered her eyes.

"Perhaps, we can find boots pretty enough for the hem not to be a bother", she said at a completely level tone, making Mrs. Walters to respond to her with an expression of a painful death of heart attack. Waving a little handkerchief at her face, she breathed quite heavily.

"Or perhaps we'll just find an ax and chop your legs a foot shorter", she offered, before she realized what she released from her mouth. She gaped at Elin for a moment with eyes wide as sliced apples, and held her hand at her mouth. Elin smiled courteously at her and continued as if nothing had happened.

"Maybe we can put some cream-coloured frills or something down at the hem to cover it", she said, and gave Mrs. Walters a flattering smile. "Or maybe brown. I trust your skills and pick this up Sunday morning, if it's all right."

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"Is this really your last pair of shoes?" Elin asked, a bit sadly. She had tried to fit her feet to the stout pair of moderate black shoes with a firm row of sturdy buttons, but even with as much force as she had put to the errand, her foot was just too big.

"I don't see you in any pair of mine, unless you chop your dog gone toes off", Mr. Johnston, the shoemaker, said and looked at Elin over his metal-framed glasses. "I am real sorry, dear Mrs. Eelyn, but it ain't that often that I'm asked for your size."

"Don't worry, _Mamma_, those ones were quite ugly", Rebecka said, and stroked the hip of her mother. She was the only one with them at the shoemaker's, as Hoss had given Tor a nickle to get some candy for him and Sigrid. He surely hoped the shy and reserved shell of the girl would keep the two of them out of trouble.

Mr. Johnston chuckled at Rebecka's words, that had arisen some terror on her mother's face, and patted the pale blonde curls on the crown of the little girl. "You're quite right, li'l Miss Rebecca, these shoes are made for work and not for a dance." He put them back to the cardboard box and pulled another box from behind the counter. "Look here, li'l gal. I keep this pair here for those who wish for some beauty."

He showed his special pair of his own craftsmanship to the little girl. From under the lid, the old man discovered a vision of delicate figures and ornaments that were burned and dyed over the leather as often as carved, and made Rebecka nod her head very serenely over the light-hearted style of the narrow heels and the pointy tips, and the little leather-covered buttons that were like eyes of the sunflowers in a miniature size.

"Could you make a pair like this for Sunday?" Rebecka asked with a sincere gaze. She was adjusting to a new pair of shoes herself, and wanted to share her happiness with as many people as possible.

Hoss smiled behind his palm, but the old shoemaker didn't seem to be bothered by the question at all. Mr. Johnston cocked his bushy gray eyebrow and poked his head a bit forward, to be able peer at the little girl over the glasses, too. "Tell ya what, li'l Miss Rebecca. I can't make a pair like this, but I can make the shape and the feel of these."

"That's very good, Mr. Johnston", Rebecka said and took her mother's hand. Elin looked at the old man and her little girl with almost tears in her eyes.

"How could I thank you enough, Mr. Johnston? You're making a miracle."

"Nah, I have my ways to cheat." He winked. "Just tell the people you acquired your shoes from me, when they ask why your step is so light."

Mr. Johnston took his pipe, pressed the tobacco that was already filled in it and lit it up with a match. He puffed the smoke out of his mouth and bit the stem of the pipe. "If you want a pair of real shoes that will last your daughters and grand-daughters, I'll have them ready in a few weeks."

"We'll take a pair of those, too", said Hoss, entering the discussion at last.

"Now let me measure those feet of yours, Mrs. Nielson."

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Hoss had sent Rebecka to the general store to fetch her older siblings, and thought that with the coin he had given her, they'd be in for a quarter of an hour or more. He knew it was enough for them to indulge in many things they only imagined of on their farm, but hoped also that it was little enough to make them consider carefully between the options of ribbons, candies, books or whatever they wanted to have.

"Ailynn, there's something else I'd like you to wear", he started, as they were waiting outside with just the two of them. He pulled a little thing from his pocket. "Just to show you how proud I am... and how pleased I am. And I'd want that you were, too."

Hoss opened his hand, and showed a plain gold ring on his palm.

He looked at Elin gently, steering his gaze from her hair to her chin, finding it hard to fix to any particular place. Finally, he stopped the travel of the gaze to her eyes. The gray eyes were filled with tears and she pulled her fists to cover her mouth. She was looking at the ring, with a rainbow of different feelings shining from her face, and gasping for air, she held her hands over her mouth without being able to speak or to move.

"I was looking at them diamonds and all, but they were made for those tiny folks and I ain't planning to marry Rebecka."

Elin smiled thankfully for his wrongly placed words that were exactly the right ones for her. She knew he'd said that just to let her know that it was still just him and her and nobody else who needed to speak or hear.

She gave her hand to him and he tried the ring on, and it fit just perfectly.

She looked at the sunlight that was reflected from the simple smoothness of the golden surface as she admired the ring and kept turning her hand in front of them.

"Who needs diamonds in a day like this?"

Her voice was thick when she said it. Breathing very shallowly, she lifted her eyes to Hoss almost shyly, and kissed her palm so that her lips touched the ring. With a gaze not faltering from his, she raised the hand to touch Hoss' cheek, while letting him dwell in the deep and melting eyes of hers, before he tilted his head and took her hand and kissed her palm and the ring right where her lips had just departed before.

Elin closed her eyes and drew a staggering breath under wavering eyelashes, before she buried her face in the secure embrace of Hoss. Her mouth twitched as it didn't know whether to cry or to laugh, and her shoulders were moving roughly as she breathed deeply against his chest. She pressed her left hand into her right one, protecting it like her life depended on it, and if it were fragile as a newborn child.

"I'll wear it on Sunday", she promised.


	17. Chapter 17

**XVII**

Hoss woke up, but noticed that he was still inside a dream. He was looking up to the mountains and lifting his slender legs that belonged to a stag and not a man. He saw another deer prancing at him, and jumped gleefully to greet her, as he knew that it was Elin who called him to play.

Examining each other with their noses for a while, smiling with their eyes as they were assured that the other one was there, they both leaped over the meadows and through the forest paths, and came to see over the brink of a steep ridge. Hoss had stopped, panting, but Elin was tossing her head, impatient.

Elin was not a deer anymore, but she carried the form of a hawk, her feathers the same brown as her hair and her eyes still gray as the mountain tops in the winter. With a wave of her wing over Hoss, she made him realise he was a hawk, too; and together they could fly off from the cliffs and continue their journey further. Another hawk, of the chestnut colour of the horse of Tor, flew to them, and started to play with the female hawk and screamed in a high pitch of delight and laughter, and Hoss knew that it was Tor he was watching.

After a while, the hawk who was Tor flew away and Elin swept down in a faster than fast slide, avoiding any buoyant force of the air and making Hoss fight the fear that she would be crushed in awaiting rocks below. But just before the crush, she pulled up her neck and her wings and landed on the ground smoothly, letting Hoss let go of his fear and land a lot more slowly to the ground.

They were not hawks anymore, but two snakes, with gloating scales and hissing tongues, and through each of their movements they could feel the gravel and the rocks around them, as they meandered away in two serpentine movements. When they found a cave, they curled and twined together in an insoluble knot of two lean and flexible tails.

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"Wake up!" Joe shouted, with a thrill in his voice because it was a rare occasion that he could do this in the morning. Usually it was the other way the tables were turned. Tearing the curtains apart and making a lot of noise when stomping around Hoss' room, he grinned and sought for a distance from where he could slap his brother but not be caught by his arm so easily.

"Dadburnit Little Joe..." Hoss grumbled, and grabbed his pillow wishing to throw it at Joe. Squinting his eyes to undo the effects of the deep sleep of which his body was still yearning for, he decided it was not worth the fight, though, as it was about time he got up anyway.

"Get tidied up and come down for breakfast, brother, or you'll miss the church and the party", Joe said, grinning at his own victory, and bounced away in his good mood walk that reminded Hoss of a wiry hare. He had already dressed up in his white shirt, well-cut gray trousers and a shining black belt which he wore a bit too high, just to emphasize his slim figure. After the breakfast he would no doubt spend an eternity in fixing his curls and practicing charming smiles and winks that he would undoubtedly use on the young girls at the social.

Hoss was enormously glad that he was beyond it all.

He shook his pillow and patted it to gain its puffy old self back, and was surprised to see a brown feather escape, flying from its corner to land on the floor.

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It took a long hour and more for Hoss to wait at the church. He could not see Elin, and he knew she was out somewhere picking up her newly acquired fortune and dressing up to please the expectant crowd. But she had promised to come and Hoss trusted she would appear when the words of the reverend eventually stopped.

'You will excuse me, won't you, Hoss?' she had inquired worriedly, when she had told him that she didn't feel comfortable at the church. 'I read the Book to my children in my mother tongue and teach them what I know, but please, don't make me come to that closed house that builds a wall against every speck of His goodness I see every day, and leaves all of it outside'. And having said this, she had taken a bouquet of wild flowers to put in a vase to bring summer inside her freshly cleaned house, and opened her windows to bring in the warm breezes that were blowing the fragrances of the forest from all around her farm and bringing the wilderness inside.

And here he sat in the wooden bench of the church, hearing nothing of the sermon and paying no attention to the gathering around him, as he was thinking of the ginger scent of her cardamom curls and the shade of cinnamon that sun was able to create on her hair.

When the service finally ended, he said very curt greetings to the the closest acquaintances only, and basically hurried out to the yard, to search with his eyes the horizon of where she'd be coming from, and gazing in the direction to the city, he was finally able to spot her in her saffron red dress.

For a moment he just stood still, and he saw her stand still for a moment, too, before she released her hold of the hand of Rebecka and gestured the children to go and meet the others of their like, and turned her attention back to Hoss. They walked towards each other and met in the middle, and Hoss didn't dare to blink because he was so afraid that the beautiful figure in front of him would disappear. Slowly, he turned and offered his arm to her, and she curled both her hands around his strong arm and leaned her cheek to his shoulder.

"Look, Hoss, it's so beautiful."

She stretched the fingers of her left hand straight for a moment, so that the sunlight was reflecting from the little golden ring on her ring finger, and folded her hand around his, carefully, so that the ring was not hidden from anybody.

Hoss agreed. It was the loveliest thing he had ever seen.


	18. Chapter 18

**XVIII**

When they entered the picnic a little walk away from the church, at a green opening surrounded by blossoming trees, Hoss lead her to his family. As the Cartwrights were watching toward the direction of Emerald and Rowan and making some remarks they remembered from their childhood, they didn't see them at first. Hoss coughed a little, and made Adam turn his head. He saw him, he saw her, and he saw her ring. His face was petrified, his mind searching for what to say, and his hand nudging the shoulder of Little Joe.

Joe turned his head, saw Adam's stunned expression, wondered what had made him so quiet, and saw Hoss. He threw an adorable smile to Elin, stopped at the shine of her eyes, let his eyes wonder down at Hoss' arm to catch her hands resting on his wrist very gently, and knew exactly where the stupefied look on his eldest brother's face was coming from. He kept his eyes on the couple, and nudged the shoulder of his Pa.

"What is it, Joe?" Ben asked absently, and turned his head at Joe.

"Pa... I think... I think our brother's... " Joe coughed, raised his eyebrows, shrugged, tried to create a sentence in a comprehendible way. "He seems to be engaged to marry."

Adam smirked, when he saw the hair on top of their father's head move in unison with the moving eyebrows, before Ben slowly turned around.

He saw Joe staring at Hoss, and Adam staring at Hoss, and after greeting Elin with a warm smile and a nod of his head, before the scenery and the meaning of Joe's words struck to him. He turned his whole body to face Elin and Hoss, stared for a moment at them himself, and finally stepped forward to hold his hands out for Elin. She grinned – almost victoriously, if you would have asked the term from Adam, who was the closest – and released her left hand from its pose to hold it over to Ben.

Ben couldn't say a word; he just eyed the ring and the faces of the couple in front of him and then the ring back and forth for a while, before he started laughing and clasped his hands over Elin's fingers in congratulation. "My goodness", was all he was able to say for a while, while laughing at the lady and still a bit stunned by the news. "My goodness. Elin." He blinked his eyes several times to dissolve the mists and secrets from them and tried to recover his balance. "You've caught me speechless, Elin Nilsson. I don't know what to say."

Hoss gleamed over his newly introduced bride, and held his other hand behind his back, making his chest arch out larger than ever. Elin smiled at Ben, and turned her eyes back to Hoss, and back to Ben. "I guess the words are not needed as long as you're not against of me coming to your family", she said, and laughed in her brassy tone as Ben let go of her hand. She put it gently against Hoss' wrist again, only for it to be taken out by Joe and Adam as they had finally regained their ability to move and to talk.

"Mrs. Elin, this was really a surprise", Joe said, laughing, and noticing what had slipped out from his mouth, he added hastily: "But a pleasant surprise, Mrs. Elin, a real pleasant one!"

Adam squeezed her fingers gently, offered them a little elegant kiss, and smiled at her with the full glory of his shady dimples. "Congratulations, to both of you!" He cocked an eyebrow to Hoss, before he concentrated his attention on her again. "Though I'm curious to know how it ever came down to him proposing." The twinkling in his hazel eyes revealed his deep curiosity, and the brotherly slap on Hoss' arm carried all the affection of a brotherly bond from a bigger brother to the younger one, while he tried to hold his grin to a modest width but wasn't successful at that at all.

Elin just smiled as wide as her mouth could hold, and stroked Hoss' arm softly while he ducked his head and hid his gaze, blushing a bit at the triviality of the occasion. She turned her head to watch her fiancé's embarrassed profile, and stroked his cheek very affectionately, so that the golden ring was able to reflect the light of the sun and her freckles on his tanned thick skin.

"If I told you, you wouldn't believe", she said, and her gaze was hidden from all the rest of the world but her betrothed Hoss.

0

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"Should we announce it?" Ben asked, landing back to the surface of the Nevada soil from the clouds that had blinded him for a while.

Elin turned her eyes back to him hastily. "Oh, no, let's not spoil the great day of the Hudson twins." She looked Hoss in the eyes and continued: "I am not too fond of ceremonies and the sort. If you don't object, I'd rather not make it a show."

Ben cocked his eyebrow, but nodded his head. Hoss took a firm hold of Elin's shoulders and smiled at his Pa. "If it's all right, Pa, let us just not." He smiled at the woman who was little only to him, and revealed his happy blue gaze from under his brow when he was certain she was secure. "Those who come close enough can see it plain clear."

Joe shot out his parade giggle and stepped to his brother to tousle his hair, which had escaped from the prison of the comb and wax right as he stepped out from the Ponderosa and headed for the city. "I hope a lot of them do, brother, I'm real happy for you two!" He slapped Hoss' back several times very hard, and kissed the fingers of Elin just once more. "Welcome to the Cartwrights, Elin."

Adam winked to Elin. "You take good care of my little brother, you hear me?"

0

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Hoss was helping himself for a fourth portion of the delicate pie the Hudsons' had called _quiche_, and kept watching for Tor, Sigrid and Rebecka with the other children. Being a bit older, and remembering a bit more how it had been to play with other children when he was very little, Tor had less trouble in adjusting to the rules, games and the play. He was able to convince Sigrid to follow him, and his plain curiosity and the energy that was more extrovert than the inward imagination of his sister was capturing them both to play with the bunch of the other kids at the picnic party. Only little Rebecka seemed to keep out from searching for company, keeping her staring eyes wide and sitting in solitude while the mild winds fluttered the ribbons of her intricately braided hair that was tied as ringlets over her ears.

Hoss put away his plate and walked slowly to the little girl, and squatted down to talk to the little figure sitting at his feet, who was holding her knees and staring the outside world with very level eyes. "What's the matter, punkin'?" he asked.

"Nothing's the matter, Hoss." And she seemed to believe sincerely, that there was nothing wrong.

"Tell me what, li'l gal, there ain't no li'l kid around who'd have everything in order and not try the goodies and the games available." He saw the other kids setting a game of horse shoe throw on the field, and pointed it to Rebecka. "Why don't you and me go out there and ask if we can play.

Rebecka turned her face to Hoss. "But you are not a child, Hoss."

Hoss creased his nose and nodded a few times, and sneered at the few shamrocks that were pressed under Rebeckas little foot. "Well, I can't help that much, but maybe I can ask 'em kids to take me in to play, with you."

"But I don't know how to throw", Rebecka said, this time a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Did you ever try?" Hoss asked, and peered down to the little face that was now looking at the game a bit longingly.

"No, I never tried", Rebecka said, and clutched her knees protectively.

Hoss gave out his big hand and offered it to Rebecka to grab. "Let's go ask 'em."

Rebecka examined his face and his hand and didn't take the offer. "They won't take me if I don't know how", she said, staring at the game with a placid look.

Hoss stood up, and lifted Rebecka from her position. "Now, I'm not gonna take any objections, you come with me and we go and play." Taking her hand and pulling her behind him, he walked to the kids and asked if they could play as a pair, too. His big appearance made some of the kids laugh at the proposal, but his childish grin and the sincere baby blue eyes made it clear that he was eager to play with them and with their rules. They were accepted to come.

Before their turn, Rebecka nudged the sleeve of Hoss and looked at him, biting her lip nervously. "But Hoss, what if you lose because I'm with you?" she asked, with worry in her own blue eyes.

Hoss bent down to lean on his knees, and put his big hand over the girl's shoulder. "I wouldn't care a thing if we lose. Lookie here, Rebbeca. I like to throw the horse shoe, and that's it. Maybe I don't throw it like in 'em rules, but in my opinion I throw pretty plum good and that's a'nuff." He took the first shoe out of three that belonged to their team, and threw it as far to the end of the meadow as he could, and though the trees were nowhere near, they could almost hear the heavy clump when it landed on a trunk somewhere in the distance.

"My goodness", Hoss said, making a mock try to try to see where the shoe had disappeared. "It was a mighty lot harder a throw than I thought." The kids were laughing around him and at his try, and he turned his back to the target pole. "You see, Rebbeca, I just like to throw and it ain't no point if I win or lose, just as long as I can still keep throwing 'em shoes." He took another shoe from Rebecka's hands and threw it his shoulder, this time, making the shoe fly far away from any other that had been scattered around the target pole.

"Stop, Hoss, you spoil our team!" Rebecka shouted, and held with both hands the last shoe. "Let me try."

And she threw the shoe the best as she could.

0

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"Help me, Hoss", Elin said, when she took a fifth slice of the birthday cake and took a large bite of it with her spoon. "All I've heard today is how the checkered mauve is coming in." She took a second bite of the cake quite fiercely. "'Checkered mauve in the frills of the walking dresses will reach Virginia City in the autumn.' 'Checkered mauve is definitely the shade of the curtains I'll hang at my living room when the next cleaning day arrives.' 'Oh, I just love the shade of rosiness that your cheeks would gain from wearing the checkered mauve.' " Elin rolled her eyes and stopped mimicking the high voices of the other women with whom she had been chattering, before she shut her mouth for a while to taste a third bite of the cake. "If there ever is a color or a style I'll forbid to enter my farm, it most definitely is checkered mauve."

Hoss grinned at her behind her back. "You'd look plumb pale and ghastly in that checkered mauve", he said, and turned her over to steal a kiss from her.

Her eyes widened in surprise, and narrowed down again when they were wrinkled away to give way to a pulsating giggle. She bit her lips and swallowed the cake she had been eating, and wiped away some whipped cream from Hoss' lips. "Stop it", she hissed at him and held her breath to overcome the wave of laughter building inside her chest. "Watch out, there is a checkered mauve again. Mrs. ... Arkinsdale, or something."

Hoss turned around to face the cordial discussion of Mrs. Arkinsdale, or something, the very new acquaintance of Elin Nilsson, one of the possible heirs of the very honored and well-established ranches at the territory. While the woman invited them to a nice little chat, he tried to tease out a giggle or a scream from Elin while pinching her secretly behind her back, while holding his most sincere face and trying to evade the heels of Elin's shoes on his toes as she sought for revenge.

"But tell me, how did he propose?" Mrs. Arkinsdale asked, her eyes very curious but her composure tuned to a delicate politeness. Elin just smiled at her mysteriously, and gave out nothing. Her enigmatic smile had already defeated the inquiries of Adam, Joe and even Ben Cartwright, and she was not going to give in a trifle more to anybody else, either.

"Some things are sweeter when left as secrets", she said with a giggle in her tone, and nodded courteously to Mrs. Arkinsdale. The expression of the older woman was noticeably stunned for a moment, while she ruminated the answer, and as she couldn't find a way to answer, she walked away with an air of gallantry and sociability. She left Elin behind her, Elin, who was smiling her cryptic smile behind the glowing gold of the cinnamon freckles that made her look mischievous as a forest elf herself.

Hoss squeezed her hand secretly and swiped a speck of dust that never existed from her neck. "I don't remember when nobody stood next to me so proud", he said, with gravel and thickness in his low and rumbling voice. Elin looked at him merrily as a little girl, and warmed his heart with the shining happiness of her whole face.

"Dear Hoss." She wriggled her fingers to twine around his, and squeezed his hand in her turn. "If everybody would just see what I see, the rest of the world would be very jealous on me."

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When Hoss was carrying little Rebecka to her bed at Linden's Creeck late that evening, he was doing his best not to wake her up. However, the girl opened her eyes at him for a moment, and, drowsily, she invited Hoss to bow his head and hear a secret. She cupped her hand over Hoss' ear, so that nobody else could hear, and whispered to him very quietly and very close, so that the her hissing tickled his skin like little whiskers.

"You've made _Mamma_ real beautiful, Hoss."


	19. Chapter 19

**XIX**

Elin was holding a box of her new shoes under her arm, and her looks were as if she'd liked to open the box and close it again, just to open it to find her new beautiful shoes just once more. The children were following them a bit behind, their eyes wide open for new things and stopping to observe things that were catching their attention, little ones and big ones alike. Elin had observed the twitch in the corner of Hoss' mouth, and bent over to whisper him her secret. "I don't think I ever got something as pretty, made just for me."

"Maybe you were just made so dang pretty that any human hands have trouble doing enough to match it, Ailynn." A curl over her ear tickled his lips when he bent down to whisper it back.

"No. This time I'm beaten." She looked at her treasure box, then at Hoss, at her box again, and laughed. "You must think I'm like a child." Her hand traveled over the decorated box and returned to Hoss' arm. "But they are so pretty."

They were passing the street right opposite the saloon, and all of a sudden a man flew out of the door, being followed by another one. After rolling in the dust for a few moments, they got up, picked up their hats and ran back to the saloon. Hoss had stopped and now he held his arm over Elin's chest, and shooed the kids behind them, when another man was thrown over the saloon doors. A kid came running from the sheriff's office, being followed by Sheriff Coffee quite some yards behind him.

"Hoss Cartwright!" Roy Coffee shouted, when he noticed Hoss standing on the other side of the street. "Come in, we might just need some of that strength of yours over here!"

Hoss took off his hat and pressed it to Elin's hands sooner than he could think. "Keep the children here", he said, and ran to the saloon.

A completely disorderly mass greeted him; chairs were flying in the air, bottles of whiskey were being broken on the heads of men and the tables nearby. Sounds of angry punches were filling the air, which was thick of shouting, the smell of sweat and the dust that came out of the curtains, the tables and the fighting cow pokes and other decent citizens, who had been agitated to the thrill of the fight.

Sheriff Coffee peered into the crowd, trying to recognize where the seed of the trouble was wrestling his way out. "There's the stranger", he said to Hoss, and pointed to a young, a bit more unshaven and a trifle more shabby cowboy in the middle of the fight. Hoss jumped right in to the crowd, starting to fight his way through to him. Distantly, he heard Roy Coffee fire his gun to shoot into the air, but it didn't make any difference in the moods of the aroused men – if not only for the worse.

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Elin pressed a damp cloth on Hoss' torn lip and looked at him very sadly. His eye was quite badly swollen and he felt quite an ugly bruise finding its way up on his jaw, but it might take a day or two before it would be so close to the surface that the yellow-blue figure would appear on his skin. Until then it would just hurt.

He winced at the touch of iodine on a scratch over his forehead, and tried to avoid the sadness in Elin's examining, weary look. Rebecka was playing a nurse too, although she was just drawing figures on the balding spot on top of his crown, making him tickle and wonder, what exactly was so funny in it for her.

Roy Coffee was standing at the doorway, leaning against the wall and looking a bit ashamed, too. "I'm sorry Mrs. Eelyn, I sorta forgot Hoss's bound to be one of those married men, soon", he said, apologizing to her for his actions before.

"What do they say, for better and for worse", Elin said, looking sadly to Hoss, but squeezing his healthy cheek reassuringly, making him brave enough to look at her eyes, even if he had to bite his upper lip between his teeth. She set the cloth and the patching equipment on the table beside them and looked to Sheriff Coffee, while she pressed her hands over Hoss' dirty fists. "Don't worry, Roy Coffee, it isn't probably the first time and I'd wager not the last one, either." She turned her eyes to Hoss, holding her hands tightly around his clenched ones. "For better and for worse."

"I'm sorry the kids had to see it, Ailynn." Hoss tried to glance over to Sigrid and Thor.

The boy sprang up and stroke his fist up, starting to punch his shadow and pretend to be in a fight. "You were punching left and right, and throwing at least two dozen men out from the..."

"That's just what I mean, Thor", Hoss cut in, and made him silent with that one grave sentiment which was followed by one very severe look. "We'll talk about it later. I'm disappointed that you wriggled into the crowd to watch." He turned back to the sheriff. "Roy, I'm glad you caught the little rapscallion in the end and locked him up with his friends. Go on, you have your duties to carry out."

Roy Coffee touched the rim of his hat, bent his head and left them alone.

"Ailynn, I'm really sorry, I truly am."

Hoss felt quite miserable. He probably looked enough so, too, because Sigrid came to crawl under his arm and hugged him very hard, her short hands trying desperately to reach around his big body. "You can't help what you are, Hoss", she said, so sincerely that she made her mother laugh – just shortly, although a bit bitterly – and all by accident. Elin stifled her giggle with her hand and swallowed hard to return to her topic.

"She's right, Hoss. It's part of what you are, and part of your life. Even if you were closed in at Linden's Creek completely. Men will come and ask you to track... in groups..." she frowned, in search of a word.

"You mean 'em posses, Ailynn, don't you?"

Her furrows were cleared, but her eyes weren't. "Yes, them posses." She stroked his hand gently, his big fist that had been fighting a moment ago, tossing great big men to the floor and to the air; his hands and his shirt were all dusty and torn, and here she just sat opposite to him, those gray eyes very sad but filled also with a feeling he couldn't describe. She continued to speak, when Hoss had no words. "It's part of your life; men will come to ask you to circle the escaped murderers and robbers... or mad Indians or bears grown wild and insane, for what I know. But you will go, you will have to go, because otherwise you wouldn't be you."

"I see it will make you sad."

"Then I will have to live with it. Maybe, in time, I'll learn to accept." She touched his hurt jaw very tenderly, and winced herself when she saw him wince. "You will need somebody able to patch you up, _kära_ grizzly bear", she said, softly, and her eyes sent a gaze of forgiveness out for him to reach. The Swedish word sounded like the French word _chérie_, the word which Joe's mother had used many times when talking to Ben or to her son. Dear, my loved one. Though Hoss had never heard it so soft before.

"You are crying, Hoss", Sigrid said and climbed on his knee. "When I'm hurt, _Mamma_ blows on it and it will go away", she continued, and half stood up on his knee, to be able to blow on the cut on his forehead. Then she returned her worried gaze on Hoss' face. "Did it help?"

Hoss was struggling against tears that were very close to his smile. "It did, Secret, it helped me this much." He pulled the girl down to his lap and pressed a large wet kiss on her forehead, making her smile but also grunt of the treatment under his rough skin. She wiped her wet forehead and sneered at Hoss, who was grinning back to her and her mother.

"Ain't they just the sweetest", he asked Elin.

She was biting her lip, and her look was glimmering, of several emotions, too. "Just the sweetest, ain't they, Hoss."

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"Hoss, there are a lot of things we should consider, now", Elin started, when the kids had been put to bed and she was sitting outside the house, leaning on the wall and facing the forest that separated them from the hidden brook. The evening cast shadows around them, but there were enough rays of light to dance on the engagement ring when she admired it on her finger at the end of her extended arm.

Hoss took her hand and lifted it on his lips, and kissed the ring and the fingers and the hand, despite of the ginger sting that was still signaling him from his lip. "What things?"

"Listen, Hoss." She pulled her hand away and tried to search for a comfortable place to put it out of his reach. When she couldn't, she returned it on her lap. "Things. Your life. My life. We have to live somewhere."

Hoss descended on the ground and put his head on her lap, and kept watching the trees, while Elin let her fingers travel over his hair, over his head, the balding spot Rebecka had cared for with such an intense curiosity, and over his ear and his tender jaw that was starting to swell. He lay on his side and held his hand over her knee, trying to find an answer from the shady trees and the blackening forest.

"Can't you just look at me, Hoss?" Elin nudged her legs a bit, making his head shake. He turned on his back and looked at her fay face from beneath.

"It's too nice and soft in here, Elin."

She pulled his hair just enough to make him wince. "Be serious, Hoss Cartwright."

He closed his eyes and pressed his cheek against her belly. "I'm as dang serious as I've ever been, Elin." For a moment, he almost wanted to bite.

"Stop it", she hissed and giggled at the touch of his talk on her soft linen shirt. "We have to talk some time."

"But maybe not right now? I'm just plumb tired." He truly was; the agony of the long day and the small aches that had started from the fight and were now grown to a full painful weariness were making him drowsy and unable to answer to anything.

"But you promise, we talk some time."

"I promise." The movement of her fingers in his hair stopped, and she held his chin and his head quite firmly, so that he knew to open his eyes.

"You promise it very good, _Erik_."

"I promise. Come here."


	20. Chapter 20

**XX**

"I didn't think Thor would've come to see that there fight", Hoss said, and rested his head on his new favourite place, on Elin's lap.

She set her fingers running through his hair again, and stroked it softly with her warm fingers. "Do you still remember when you were going on your eleventh year, Hoss?"

Hoss was glad his eyes were directed away to the brook, and he didn't have to reveal his blush and his bothered look in front of her eyes. He adjusted himself on the ground and tried to escape the roots of the tree on which Elin was leaning. Her low chuckle was wiggling somewhere near her diaphragm and making her belly vibrate for a moment so, that he could nearly feel it in the ends of his hair. "Yes, I do, Elin."

"I'm sure you wouldn't have missed that fight for anything."

"But I ain't gotta be too proud of it, Elin. And I ain't gonna have to like it." He tried to be calm, but his lower lip was protruding by its own will, out of his control.

"Maybe you had had a fist fight or two at his age, Hoss."

"Do you have to remind me, Elin?"

"It seems somebody has to." She squeezed his nose gently, making him sneer for a moment, before she returned her hands to their previous, gentler move. "You can't stop a boy from being a boy."

"I could try."

"But you can't stop the country from what it is. It's a rough territory, and the people are alike."

Hoss closed his eyes for a moment, and tried to escape the rest of the world into the faint fragrances evaporating from the lush ground and the water nearby. Elin tugged his ear and stopped him from soaking into the misty imagination, where Nevada was a peaceful country made of whipped cream and strawberry people. "Don't be so angry at Tor Emil, when it's you whom you're really holding the grudge."

Hoss grunted and sought for another place on the ground, trying to find a root that wasn't poking his aching ribs. "But it's so hard, sometimes, Elin, knowing that I've got these big fists and that gun of mine and I've dad burn done all that fighting and shooting and all in my life."

"And some of it you've been proud of, too, in your life. Some of it was your duty. Some of it saved your life. Look at me, Hoss."

Hoss turned on his back and looked at her serene face. She continued talking to him like he was a child. "I've... I've thought of this, Hoss. If we marry each other, we marry it all. I can't just marry a part of what you are. I will have to accept it all." She was struggling for the words, frowning very hard and gazing to the depths of the forest behind the brook. "I mean that... you don't have to be sorry for what you are. Maybe there are things you'd rather keep me out from, but I, too, live in this world and know that it is wide and wild beyond the fences of my farm."

The gun belt on Hoss' hips was chafing his skin uncomfortably, and making him shift again. Dadburn those trees and their roots, and the little bugs and spiders that were trying to crawl through his clothes. She moved her fingers faint as a touch of a cobweb over his swollen eye and the bruised jaw, and looked deeply in his blue, troubled eyes. "You've seen all what I am and you didn't stagger."

Hoss' felt a lump in his throat. He could only listen to her soft voice that fell into the humid air all around them in the little sanctuary between the trees. "Let me do the same, Hoss. For the better and the worse."

"But I'd like to save you from those worses, Elin."

She smiled, a touch sad, a touch accepting, a touch distant and a touch tenderly. "Where would we need the other, if life was only made of those betters?" she asked, and pressed Hoss' head tightly against her body, when he turned once more on the uneven ground and hid the tears in his eyes into her linen shirts and aprons.

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Hoss washed his face with the brisk water from the brook, starting to feel a bit more stable, although the cool water stung his scratches and wounds from the fight. Elin was letting her fingers float in the water, and turned her face to Hoss. "Come. I'll show you where my parents are." She gathered her hems and gave her hand to Hoss, and started to walk over the brook.

Hoss took her hand and followed her over the shallow water, and as they left the prickly sounds of the joyous water behind, they entered a country where the cliffs started to grow out of the ground as large teeth of the ground itself, ready to gnaw on the shady conifer trees and the old man's beard hanging from their branches. Elin lead him through a path that seemed to be familiar to her, as she didn't stagger once, even though the path had not been tramped over very often by anything other than the hares and the preying beasts.

"It's a long time since I've been here", Elin confessed, as if she read his mind. "This summer... I haven't needed to come. But I wanted to show you."

They came to a spot close to a hill, where low shrubs and ferns had taken over the land, and where a small area enough for two piles of rocks and a small rock wall had been cleared. Ferns had started to grow through the little open spaces from between the rocks, and mosses and shamrocks were spread as a thick bed all around the wall and the graves.

Hoss took his hat off.

"My mother and my father... came here when I was just a girl. When my father died, my mother wanted to bring him somewhere, where the landscapes were more like... like at home. In childhood and stories." She stood at the edge of the clearing that was only half a clearing anymore, and a smile that was aimed to somewhere very distant was wavering on her face. "Fredrik was buried in the mountains, where the men found him. Maybe his soul is more free up there. But my own kin is resting here."

She took the hand of Hoss again to her own, and the warmth of it was surprising him again, and he could almost feel the pounding of her heart through the veins that ran under her skin. When she stood there, watching the two bumps on the ground, Hoss could sense her own roots gathering strength from the same ground where the plants and lichens were coming out of, and the skilfully done patterns of the little squirrels and acorns at the hem of her dress seemed to melt to the green shady vegetation where she was standing herself.

But when she turned back at him and took his arm to lead him away, she was flesh and blood. "I think they would like you", she said, and put his hat back on his head.

They walked back in silence, both buried deep in their thoughts and their moods, differing quite from each other. When they came back to the brook and crossed it, Elin turned to Hoss and wriggled her fingers into his and held his hand, until they came to the little house of hers.

"Now you've seen where I come from." Elin looked at Hoss and stood still. "I'd like to stay here for... at least this summer. To feel them close to me, even if I don't visit them often."

It took quite a while for Hoss to understand that she wanted to say something, and even after a longer while, he still couldn't follow her logic. "Elin. You need to speak to me so that I understand." He sat on the porch, and pulled Elin on his lap, and searched for the scent of cardamom from her freckles and her hair, though he didn't have the courage to bury his head to her neck to do so. So he just flared his nostrils a bit and looked her into her eyes. "I'm a simple man and don't understand too much of your thoughts. Why couldn't you stay here?"

"When people marry, they usually live together, dear _Erik_." She leaned against his heavy arms and peered to his eyes. "Your roots are deep in the Ponderosa. You would become unhappy living far away from your family. If you'd stay here for the winter and it would be a heavy one, when the roads are blocked, and you'd know you had no chance to go to see your father and your brothers, you'd be sad. Lonely."

"But I'd never be lonely with you."

Which Elin didn't believe.

Hoss furrowed his brow because Elin just kept staring him into his eyes, and he looked over her shoulders to the little barn where the kittens had been found, and thought it over. "I guess that's true, what you said, Elin. But I know I ain't too far away from them wherever I go."

She smiled at him, and touched the point of his nose. "Yes. Your roots are buried deep in this soil." He didn't quite understand her, but it wasn't all that unusual, so he didn't care. Too much. She looked back at the path that lead to the Creek, and continued, when her gaze returned to him. "My family... on the other hand... they are all long gone. It's only me. Maybe I could move out... to somewhere... closer to where you're used to be."

Hoss looked at her face, concentrated, thinking, evaluating every word that dropped out from her mouth. "It's an awful lot, Elin." He sought for the words for the thoughts and images that ran wild in his head, and picked the ones he could identify very carefully. "All your... memories are here, Elin. Your life. What you are... what you've brought here." He was puzzled, and also shaken by the step she was ready to make for him. He needed some time to think it over. "How could you leave it behind?"

She lowered her gaze, and started fiddling the buttons on his shirt between her fingers. "We could keep it, I guess. Come here in the summer, when the country is kinder to a rider."

"I... I... don't know what to say, Ailynn. I need to think of what you've just said."

She pressed a little kiss on his healthy cheek and smiled. "You take your time, dear Hoss."


	21. Chapter 21

**XXI**

Hoss was sitting in the blue chair at the fireplace, and facing the empty place for the burning logs where in the summertime the wood and the fire weren't needed. He was hoping for the calming flames to be there, to help him ask the difficult questions from his Pa, the questions he had pushed behind the back of his mind for so many years and all of a sudden they were needed for him. Although he was still at the age of not being outcast as a bachelor, a few too many people would have rather foreseen him as a married man for a long time ago.

"Pa..." he began, as it was the first thing to start what he had to say. Ben puffed his pipe, and pulled the net of his thoughts back from where they had been sailing, and searched for the sight of his son's eyes. But while he was coming back from his distances, Hoss had moved to sit on the table, facing the fireplace and baring only his thick neck and the large arch of his back. Ben puffed his pipe again, and looked down to his hands, and embraced himself for whatever was coming. Although he had an idea.

"Pa, I was sitting here thinking about the marriage."

If Hoss would have faced his frown instead of facing the bricks and the stones, he would have seen a knowing cock of his father's eyebrow, which was congratulating Ben himself for a good guess. But he continued to search his words from the blackened old stones and the shade, trying to figure it all out by himself, making his father smile half amused and half knowingly.

"You know, Pa, we've been talking about... what to do when the fall comes. Now we don't have exactly a date set or anything, but we... might. You know."

Ben knew, but he only uttered a low 'uhm, ehm', the latter one sounding remotely like 'son', waiting with curiosity what would follow – or more precisely, how it would follow.

"Well, Pa, we was just thinking. That maybe we would build a house somewhere. Somewhere that wasn't so far off from the Ponderosa, and not so distant from those mountains and them pine trees and all she's lived with all her life." Hoss turned a bit sideways to his Pa, and let Ben examine his furrowed profile, deep in thought, the blue eyes very sharp and concentrated, and his large hand resting on his knee that was quite large enough to carry his weight, almost large enough to carry all the weight of his problems.

"That sounds wonderful, Hoss." Ben was eyeing him with his deep brown eyes from under his brow, and crossed his legs the other way from where they had been resting. Although a little shade in his tone would have told Hoss, if he wasn't so deep in his own thoughts, that he was also a trifle touched about his son moving out. He would be moving on his own from the ranch where he had become such a monument, where he had been close to his reach and from where his journeys had never kept him away for very long periods of time.

Hoss grinned to himself, creasing his face in delight for the answer while he kept his eyes low and his shoulders bent down. He looked like a big bear in his brown outfit, his shirt half open and his sleeves cuffed so that the fur was half at display. "I was hoping you'd say that, Pa." He returned his gaze to the beams of the wall and the fillings between them. "But it ain't gonna be all done before the winter comes, even if we'd start right now. You see, we didn't exactly decide on a spot quite yet."

"But you'd like to get married before the fall, is that it, Hoss?"

Hoss tossed his head a bit to the left and to the right, his nose wrinkled and accompanied with a little furrow and a guilty smile. "Yeah, Pa, I reckon that's it. But that means we should set ourselves somewhere for good."

He furrowed for a moment, thinking about the two options he had left. "It's kinda small in the Creek, Pa. Though we could probably come right to it and make some arrangements, but it's also that it's sorta far off from everything."

Ben nodded, taking another puff from his pipe and leaning to the right arm instead of the previous left arm. "And..."

"Well, I was sorta thinking we could try living a little time at the Ponderosa, before the house is up next summer." There. He had said it now. And it felt like his figure could straighten up again, and he could look at his Pa with his normally shining eyes and wait for the answer, because it all had landed on the hands of him, finally.

Inside, Ben had fireworks of cheer bombarding the inner surface of his skull, but outside, only a small glimpse from his eyes was revealing it, and Hoss didn't see it for his own head was filled with images of his own. Instead, he only heard the few words his Pa had to answer his question.

"I think that would be real nice, Hoss."

Hoss thrust his head up and looked at his father with such a gleeful expression, that Ben lost his mask and started laughing out loud. He clapped his hand heavily on his knee and his face creased up when a belly-full of laughter came out of him, and the pure baby-blue stare of Hoss's seemed to make it only more.

Ben wiped his eyes, quite merrily, and motioned to Hoss with the stem of his pipe. "We've had more than four guests stay at the Ponderosa before, having four of the family should fit. " Raising his eyebrows and glancing at Hoss over his pipe, he added an afterthought. "But you have to make sure the kids aren't so scared at us, if they choose to come. Last time they acted as if we were ghosts from another life."

Hoss grinned a bit sheepishly, directing his eyes to the floor but hardly being able to hide his overwhelming pleasure. "I guess they'll come to it when they get to know you all, Pa. It's not so often they've been hanging around with the neighbors or the sort." When he lifted his head, his blue eyes made Ben's throat so awful sore that it was almost very close to be seen. But in the end, all that Hoss could discover with from his face was the puff of smoke coming out of his pipe.

"Thanks, Pa." Hoss' mouth was twitching, wishing to smile and to think over at the same time as his body wanted to run and jump around the house, but he kept sitting on the coffee table, almost peacefully. "This means an awful lot to me, Pa." He frowned, and twisted his mouth to the other direction. "Although I haven't exactly asked her just yet."

0

0

Hoss and Elin were riding on a buckboard together, having Tor following them with a new spotted horse he had picked up at the Ponderosa, trying to get adjusted to the saddle he had been given by Hoss. He was still quite slender for his age, so it took him a lot of effort to just hoist the whole thing on the horse, but the garment didn't bother in his seamless cooperation with the horse. Sigrid had been introduced to her own grey pony, and for some periods of the time Hoss saw her just disappearing and then appearing from behind a tree or another. It had made Hoss awful worried, but Elin had just laughed at him.

"Look at her, she had Tor to teach her to ride. How could she be lost?" And after that, also Tor had started to do the same.

What could he do. He decided to never to give a pony, even a small and old and a slow and a lazy one to Rebecka, and kept steering the buckboard with no specific goal at his mind, which he had been doing with Elin for several days. They were searching for a spot for a new house, and even though a bunch of questions and doubts was cooking up in each of their heads, they had chosen to fix their common effort in this one errand – for finding a place for home. 'We'll worry about the rest after that', Elin had said, and waved her hand. 'One problem at a time, Hoss, because you can only address one at a time.' And with a firm but good-willing pat on his arm, she had shoveled away the rest of the looming questions about their life together, and hitched up the horses.

"What do you reckon, what exactly it is that you'd like to see, Elin?"

She leaned against his arm, so that she made it a bit difficult to keep the feeling to the reins of the horses, but he forgave her the error. "Well, Hoss, I think I'd like to be nearer to the mountains than the desert. The pines and the evergreens make me feel safe."

"I'd like to have quite a close distance to the lake, hon'. It sorta gives me the soothing I need whenever I think the world's gone plumb crazy."

"Plum crazy." She tasted the words in her mouth, and laughed at the juicy feel of the wording on her tongue. "You sound plum crazy to me sometimes, _Erik_ Cartwright." The melody in her own language in the way she said his name in her tongue was quite close to make him plum crazy. She knew that; Hoss could tell that much from the secret hidden sideways glance she had directed at him when she thought he'd not notice, and to break her spell she bent down to talk to Rebecka. "What do you want, Rebecka?"

"I want a red house for Svartan."

Elin laughed at her serious face. "That will be easy to fix, sweet girl, but what about yourself?" She tousled the escaped plaits of the little girl and made her stroke her white hair with dignity, in a way she had learned from her older sister.

Rebecka remained in silence, and tried to look for what she wanted to have in the surrounding landscape. "_Mamma_, I don't think we're just there yet."

Elin turned back at Hoss, pushed her elbow to his side and grinned at him with mischief in her eyes. "I thought so too, Rebecka. I don't think we're quite there, yet."

Hoss grunted at the unsatisfied faces of the two women he was riding along with, but under his tanned skin, he agreed. The place had not been correct just yet.

0

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When they sat down for a little picnic at the lunchtime, on one of the skillfully quilted blankets that Elin had brought with her from the Creek, she picked up a lot of Hop Sing's specially seasoned chicken, pieces of bread, and some small little finger food that Hop Sing had given from his treasury to Hoss. She had also some of her own homemade jams and juices, which she said were the last pieces of her last autumn's harvest. "At their very best", she laughed at the kids, and confessed to Hoss that it was because she had just added extra sugar, to make it conserve better. "But it is sweeter, too."

"Then I should give it a try." Hoss ducked under her playful slap, and helped himself to the picnic.

Elin leaned on her elbows and looked at his great figure in the direct sunlight, finding pleasure in each speck of dust and dirt that had found its footstep in his garments, as it gave her a chance to wipe them off. "How come you can have the time to ride off with us when what I hear from Little Joe it takes four men to replace you?"

Hoss duck his head, leaning on his elbow too, and pushing the ten gallon hat behind his head to expose his face to her, he grinned almost shyly. "Well, Elin, if it's gonna be the rest of my life I'm planning, I'd better not be in any haste in deciding where I'm gonna spend it."

The children were playing catch in the field where the hay was long and they would land very softly, if the rocks and the branches of the dead bushes would trip them down.

She laughed at him, amused but pleased as well, and came closer by crawling on her elbows, to be able to touch him and curl under his long arm. He took her hand and raised it to his lips to kiss her palm gently. "Ginger and cinnamon, just the way I remembered", he said and made her struggle as she tried to escape his strong arms that were caging her completely. "How come it is that you always crawl up on me and try to touch so close?"

She closed her eyes and pressed herself very close to him, and inhaled the scent of all the outdoors life that was quite evident on him, and chuckled in a very low tone. "I just have to make sure you're not a dream that will fade away, when I open my eyes."

Hoss put his arms tightly around her body and assured her that he was as solid as the ground they were lying on.


	22. Chapter 22

**XXII**

It was the third time the children were meeting the Cartwrights, and it was all turning out a lot better than Hoss could have even hoped. Adam was teaching Sigrid to dance waltz, while Ben was singing with Elin an old American waltzing tune, his low deep baritone being mixed to her brassy chiming voice. Rebecka and Tor were struggling to imitate them while Joe tried to tell them what to do. Tor was picking up the steps very quickly, but Rebecka seemed to have a lot more peculiar thought of what a decent waltz should be about, and it caused both Joe and Tor a lot of trouble. Hoss was glad for the sake of Joe's and Tor's toes, that it was getting late, and that bedtime for the kids wasn't so far away.

The whole of the Nilssons would stay over, and even though Hoss felt he'd explode from the happiness, he had also built up an apprehension that was thick as a full anthill wandering over his skin. He knew he was a grown man, but he felt like a little boy when he hoped for all the best Elin and her children would enjoy. When the last verse of the song came to the end, both Ben and Elin clapped their hands and stood up in unison.

"I think it's time for the little ones to be up to their beds", Elin said, while Ben started to wave his hands towards the stairs. They exchanged an understanding look of two parents used to guide children, and Elin winked to Ben who had felt a shade ashamed to take lead of her kids. She patted his shoulder and shooed her kids off to wash their faces and get ready for bed, while Ben held his hand over her shoulders and squeezed them in an assuring way.

"They're a bunch of great kids, Elin." Ben's words were enough to almost collapse Hoss' lungs when he heard them, even though he hadn't know he'd be that anxious. Her answer was even more important to him, though.

"I'm happy they are enjoying the night over here, Ben Cartwright." She forgot very often she had the permission to call him just plain Ben. "Now let me go and say good night to them, before I'm going to my own chambers soon."

Hoss' eyes followed her way upstairs, when her swinging steps carried her lightly to the guest room that had been made comfortable for the three children. With the size of Ponderosa, they could have had each and every one of them a separate room, but they had learnt to be together and together they could remain. Their mother in the next room, the rest of the household in the neighboring rooms, Hoss hoped they'd sleep comfortably without any troubles of nightmares and rest well in the feel of his home.

0

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In the shady night, outside the house, a bit away from the porch and under the protective branches of the trees, Hoss and Elin sat against the trunk of the tree and held hands. The stars of the night were their witness with the old tree, as they shared their belief in what had begun this day.


	23. Chapter 23

**XXIII**

Hoss swung his ax and let it grind on the thick bark of the tree, sending off splinters and dust as the steel gnawed heavily to the thick trunk and bit him a chunk more towards his own house. He let the heavy tool swing high up again, before he let it slide down through the air in a sleek motion that ended in a loud thud, bringing his new home yet another bite closer.

The spot wasn't picked out yet, but cutting trees down would be needed at some point. Anyway, the choices had been narrowed down into a few instead of the whole large territory. Hoss lifted the ax once more and sent the splinters flying off again, and again, in a familiar rhythm that was accompanied by steady thuds as he advanced in his errand.

In the middle of being done, he was interrupted by the familiar voice of his brother Adam, when he rode by to see how much progress he had done.

"Howdy, brother."

"Howdy."

Adam leaned on the saddle horn and gazed over the trunks that had been selected here and there, according to where they grew, how old they were, and what would they leave behind if they were taken away. Elin had been very serious about the last part, as she had been taught to consider the land first. Even more – or almost more – than Hoss.

'We can't take what the land hasn't already started to grow back, Hoss.' Her eyes had been stern and solid and she had followed Hoss down to the forest to find and mark the trees, even though she could see that the forests were thick and shady and enough for a dozen houses without the gaps becoming even visible.

"I see you've made some progress up here", Adam said, dismounted and walked to his brother. He offered Hoss a long gulp of water from his canteen, before drinking himself, and lifted his foot on a fallen trunk to be able to lean on it to rest his back after the ride. His eyes stopped on the figure of Elin, who was swinging an ax a bit further away, at an angle that should be off and away from the falling tree top of Hoss' tree.

Elin had insisted in coming. 'If it's our house, I have to come. I want to have my say, too, and if it's built by you and your men, when do I ever get the chance?' Her logic was stated in her words, but the twinkle in her eyes told Hoss that she might have had other ways to have it her way. However, letting her to come to the forest and make acquaintance with the Ponderosa woods was arranging her close to Hoss. Sharing a canteen together, sitting down to bite jerky or just to rest the exerted bodies, it gave them a chance to talk, to see each other, to know that the other wasn't but a few second's run away. Hoss was also proud of the mark of her hands in the woods, as to every three or four trees Hoss could cut down, she was able to conquer one, and that was an achievement for anybody as fresh as her.

Adam and Hoss watched her raise the heavy tool high up in the air, and swing it with a graceful movement down to the tree, chopping a bit less off on the thick insides of the trunk than Hoss would have, but carving a steady amount with each swing. Elin was singing something in her own language to match the rhythm of her own work, and it carried over to Adam and Hoss in a soft hum over the sound of the work. The lines of her body were caught up in a slow dance that made her sides curve at the pace of the rise and fall of the ax. Her legs were covered in loose trousers and her head shielded from the sun by a dusty scarf.

Hoss poked Adam's shoulder. "That's my wife you're staring at", he teased, a trifle of pride in his voice. Adam poked his shoulder back, not hard enough to cause a fight, and eyed at the shaft of the ax with which Hoss had been leaning on very heavily.

"I think you should change the spot, too, brother. Go chop trees somewhere over there." Adam pointed at a hill top far away. "You'll get more work done."

"And leave her all vulnerable to you, is that it?" Hoss tried to pull the rim of Adam's hat on his eyes, but his brother was quick enough to duck away and press his hand on top of his hat.

"Don't touch my hat, brother. It's _my_ hat."

"Oh, git'."

Elin had noticed Adam, too, and after she set her ax resting against the tree, she approached them and took off her leather gloves to be able to pick a handkerchief from her pocket to wipe away the sweat from her face. Hoss eyed Adam with a mock severity. "You just keep your eyes off from my gal, or I don't vouch for the consequences."

Adam took the hand of Elin and shook it, as she offered it, and she grinned at him very openly. "But Hoss, don't you have trust in me?" she said, and kept the hand of Adam a bit too long in her hand, making Adam laugh and adjust his hat a bit further back on his head with the other hand while she released her grip. Adam rested his hand on his gun belt and cocked an eyebrow to Hoss.

Hoss didn't have an answer for her, except for the look of his eyes when he leaned over the ax and examined her face. "What makes you say that, Elin?"

She weighed Adam from the top of his head to the toes of his boots, with an askew smile of calculation on her lips. "Hoss, don't worry. He is only a little one, just a boy."

Her comment made Hoss duck his head in a roaring laughter, and he had to hold his belly that was hurting, when he laughed at the dumbstruck face of his brother. Elin winked at Adam. "Close your mouth, Adam, you're gaping."

When she lifted her hands to tighten the scarf on her head, Adam started to smile to himself, and as a little chuckle made him bow his head, he was able to return his dimple back on his left cheek. "You never stop surprising people, do you, Elin?" he asked, and offered her the canteen. She took a long sip from it and looked at Hoss warmly, before she returned her gray twinkling eyes at him.

"At least that's what I try, Adam." She sat on the big tree lying on the ground next to them, and breathed heavily. Even though she seemed to enjoy the work out in the nature, she couldn't deny it was weary. "But I have to keep to terms with you, don't I, so that you'll help us with the house?"

Adam sat on the tree next to her, rested his hands beside him and leaned on the trunk so that his shoulders were lifted up. He stretched his legs in front of him and crossed them, and squinted his eyes at Elin. "Well, I could still be up to it, Elin. But you'll have to decide between the seven different locations before I can start drawing."

Elin handed the canteen to Hoss again, and gave a sideways look at Adam. "Hoss told me the forest is large enough for seven houses, if we can't decide."

Her comment made Adam smile openly. "He did, now, did he?" He looked back at Hoss. "Didn't he remember we need the hands for rounding up the beef and not building up mansions for his gal?"

Hoss stepped closer to Elin and wiped some sweat away from her forehead, a gesture which made her angry every time he did it. This time, too, she leaned away and shooed his hand with a very annoyed gesture that was emphasized with a very glum frown. 'Good women don't sweat', she had said, but Hoss thought otherwise, and found it very captivating to just look at the way she could endure and excel at the physical work. "Not just any gal, Adam, but for my special gal right here."

Adam smiled at their little squabble and crossed his hands over his chest. "While you were busy sawing down the planks for the house, did you by any chance decide upon a date?"

His question was innocent, and his smile meaning well, but Hoss could tell Elin had gritted her teeth just for an escaping moment, before her smile for Adam was hung back on her face and her eyes were twinkling back at his brother. "A date, Adam? Is the world coming to an end as we're counting the days so hard?"

Adam bowed his head and smiled at his own crossed arms, before he returned his gaze to her from under the rim of his hat. "Pa's getting really obsessed about it. Today, he was even asking the children if they knew the day of the wedding." Adam chuckled, aiming his dimples to the forest in front of him, and being very amused by a memory he had of the small incident he was telling about. "You should have seen how wide Rebecka's eyes grew when Pa finally went to ask her. And when he did, she just asked him what the word 'wedding' meant."

Hoss smiled at the toes of his boots, and tucked his hands in his pockets, and waited for a moment before he returned his blue gaze levelly at Adam's curious eyes. The hazel tone of them was lazy and veiled, to cover all calculation, but Hoss could tell he was curious and would have wanted to pry it from Elin very directly. But being Adam, he had to be subtle. Or at least try. Hoss looked back at his boots and thought of his Pa for a moment. "I reckon that made our Pa to drop his own eyeballs off when he heard that", he said, and looked carefully at Elin.

"Quite so. I had to ride away just to escape his continuous prying." Adam crossed his ankles the other way, and tilted his head to the other side in order to peer at Elin playfully. "But I sort of thought that you'd be arranging your hope chests and the decorations and your wedding dress by now. Even so much that the children would have been fed up with it already."

Elin raised her eyes up to the skies, and thought about what Adam had said for a moment. "Not I, Adam Cartwright, I tell you. You have a lot to learn about women."

Hoss nearly choked on the water he had tried to drink from the canteen, when he heard those words and saw the stupefied look on his brother's face once again. He kept coughing and laughing and coughing, but Adam kept his other hand tightly upon his chest while the other one went up to scratch the few curls down at his neck. Adam swallowed a bit harder just once and pursed his lips while his eyebrows rose and his eyes traveled around the little clearing, searching for something he could safely fix his gaze upon. "If you say so, Elin, I guess it is so."

Hoss wiped his eyes and stepped towards them, and slapped Adam hard on his back. "Maybe one day, brother, you'll be wise enough to have one, too."

"Come on, Hoss." The tone of his brother was vexed, but the smile in his eyes told he was quite pleased, in the end. "If all of us would be married to somebody who wants seven houses, we could just as well quit all the timber contracts for the mines. Maybe run out of railway tracks, while we're at it."

Elin laughed at his comment, and pulled the rim of his hat to his eyes. "Adam Cartwright, you're just a tease."

Adam took his hat in his hand and lifted it up to honour Elin, and returned the hat back to its original position on his head. "My pleasure, Mrs. Nilsson." He turned his eyes to Hoss. "I just thought you'd like to know, before you're back for dinner."

Hoss nodded, and gave back the canteen to Adam, who rode off.

0

0

Hoss was sitting his back against the last stump. He had beaten down the tree finally with the help of Elin, who had joined on the other side of the tree to help him meet his cause. She brought a canteen from where their saddles were lying on the ground, too, and sat by the tree, her shoulder brushing his. She gave the canteen to him before she held her hand out to hold the canteen for herself, and for a moment they just breathed together, in the silence of the nature that was always filled with sounds.

"Elin..." Hoss leaned his arm on his knee, and searched for the words from the black lining of dirt under his thumbnail. She heard the awkward tone in his word right away, and turned her head in surprise.

"Hoss?" Her eyes were weighing his face, as she turned her head slightly to see him a bit better than from the corner of her eyes.

"I was just thinking... about us." Hoss stared a shade too grimly at Elin's boot and made her shift uncomfortably. But then again, maybe she deserved to be a bit uncomfortable, because she was making him so uncomfortable to boot.

"Hoss, tell me." Elin frowned, and escaped from the touch of his shoulder by pulling her back from the tree, to look at his face directly. She curled her legs under her and left Hoss staring at an empty spot on the ground where her feet had been just a moment ago.

Hoss kept his eyes fixed to the grass, and pulled the fabric of his trousers from the knee area where his hand happened to lay upon. "Elin... what's it about a wedding that makes you so bothered?"

"I am not bothered." She had become alert, and her back was an inch straighter as she continued to look at Hoss.

"You are, Elin, and don't tell me no. I can see you are and I wanna... " Hoss didn't know exactly what he wanted. His blue eyes were staring somewhere deep inside his heart, and the furrow over the worried face was shading his eyes from the further inquiries. "I wanna know if you're ashamed of me."

Elin's eyes were wide and staring, and she was stupefied to the extent of being petrified. "Ashamed of you... Hoss? No? No." She was gathering the pieces of herself and trying to understand what he was saying. "I could never be ashamed of you, Hoss, not in a lifetime. What makes you think so?"

"Just the way you... don't want to marry me at all." Right when the words had escaped out loud, he knew it was the wrong way to say what he was troubled by, but now that they were out, there was no taking them back.

Elin was staring at him, completely free from any expression.

"Of course I want to marry you."

"Do you?" Hoss raised his stare from the ground and looked at her, a heap of trouble in his eyes.

She swallowed, and bit her lower lip, as her breathing got quicker. "I do, I do very much."

"But we can't get married if there is no wedding."

Hoss could have hit himself, very hard, for saying this to her, because it hurt him to see her cover her face with her hands and start to shake in sobs. It hurt him, and yet an evil part of him tried to tell him that she deserved every tear for being so evasive. The evil thoughts made him so angry at himself, that he had to get up and walk a few steps away, before he would come to hurting her even more.

She tried to speak from behind her hands, but for the one moment the words had escaped her, too.

"I never meant to... I didn't... It's not what... Please, don't..."

Her sentences were cut in sobs and in tears, and she tried to find the opening that would make the cry come less. "_Erik_... Hoss... come back."

Come back.

Those two words stung his heart harder than any knife could, and he closed his eyes to still the emotions running wild in him. He buried his own face in his big hands and breathed very heavily, before he turned to face the tears in Elin's eyes. She just sat on the ground with fear in her eyes, and pleaded again: "Come back to me."

The simple words made him return back at her. He ignored her hand and came even closer to be able to lift her up and standing, and held her in front of him trying to figure out what had gone so badly wrong. Watching her lips trembling and feeling her shoulders contracting in what he could call almost spasms made his stomach clench.

Never in his life had he thought that he would come so far in hurting another person; even less that it would be the woman he loved. Part of him wanted to die while the other part wanted to live to feel the misery.

His eyes traveled over her troubled face, trying to find the reason for her anxiety as well as for the keys to resolve it and get rid of it for good. "I didn't aim to hurt you, Elin." Her face was creased, anticipating another wave of crying, and Hoss took her limp body inside his arms and pressed her head against his chest. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I didn't mean to make you doubt", she said, and sniffed between the hiccups. "Why did it go so wrong?"

Hoss stroked her hair that had been revealed when her scarf had fallen down on the ground, and pressed his own cheek on the softness of its silkiness. "Nothing's gone wrong; you know it's all right." He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to get through her head to be able to drive away her pursuing thoughts.

"But it's not all right, you know it", she said, and struggled against his grip to be able to shift so that she could see his face.

He didn't let go of her, even when he released his other hand to pick a clean handkerchief from his pocket and she took it to wipe her eyes and blow her nose.

"That's the way." Her sobs had quieted down and her wits were back in her gaze, when she folded the handkerchief carefully and put it in her own pocket. Hoss led her to the tree they had cut down and sat her down, and sat next to her to listen to her very carefully. Finally she was able to speak.

"I must be afraid of the wedding", she said, and inhaled deeply. "I am not too fond of the big crowds."

Hoss' brow creased in furrows of frustration. "We can tell Pa to stop organizing the biggest party Virginia City has seen in fifty years and just call for a small occasion."

Elin was able to smile faintly at his simple proposal. "_Erik_, I doubt. A family of your standing... people will tell later that we... galloped." She frowned at the last word.

"We eloped."

"Yes. That." She kept furrowing her colourless brow at the stump they had battled together, and continued slowly. "I'm afraid that you could come to be ashamed of me, Hoss. That people will whisper and wonder how somebody like me did ever get you."

Hoss couldn't respond to her words, as he couldn't think of why people would think so, when all he saw was a woman capable of very much, a woman beautiful as anyone, a woman wise as anything and a woman he thought was more than everything. "Elin..." he started, but she raised her hand.

"Don't. Just yet." She waited for a moment, groping for words, and spoke again when her eyes had fallen to somewhere deep inside her. "I'm also afraid... of that wedding. When it will be so public. Maybe I've been thinking, that I can keep you just for me, keep it as a secret. To hold what we have very private. Because I'm afraid that... that... if I say it aloud or if we bring it open, it will be taken away." She lifted her gaze from the grasses and the roots back to Hoss' blue eyes, and the meekness of her body was very opposite to the hope that shone from her face. "Because I was afraid it was all too tender and easy to break. I didn't want... to... get hurt."

Hoss swallowed, feeling very troubled and unable to breathe, and a layer of ice had just been cast over his body, making him unable to move and almost unable to speak. "I've made you hurt so much, Elin."

She pressed her finger over his lips. "You've also fixed it all right, my love."


	24. Chapter 24

**XXIV**

Joe Cartwright advanced toward his brother, who was standing with his bride-to-be next to him, watching Adam Cartwright leading a couple of men in their errands of carrying wood to and fro, and hitting poles in straight lines to match the drawings of the house. Further away, Adam was trying to see the dimensions in his head, at the same time as he was trying to keep the lines straight and the angles right.

"If I'd known Adam would be so excited, I would have married a girl a long time ago", Joe said, and slapped Hoss' shoulder but settled for a nod to Elin.

"Yeah, I reckon that was the reason all along", Hoss said with a grin, and squeezed Elin's shoulders he was holding in the grip of his arm.

All of a sudden, Joe yelped and jumped to the air, and Hoss and Elin looked immediately at the little figure of Rebecka who had slapped Joe – quite hard, obviously. Her little feet were already carrying her away at a mad gallop, and the high-pitched shriek of hers bellowed in the air when Joe rubbed his bottom with his hand.

"Caaaa-aaaa-aaa-atch!"

The scream made Joe start off running after her, and as if growing from the ground itself, Tor and Sigrid appeared, too, and the wild game of all four of them made Hoss and Elin laugh almost madly at them, before Elin threw Hoss' hat to the ground and slapped him on his shoulder. "Wager you won't dare." With those words, she ran away and pulled Hoss into the game, too, and ran into the group and got all tied up in the play.

Finally, Joe managed to corner all three kids by the edge of the meadow where he could catch them at the same time, spreading his arms and gathering them with more or less difficulty in his firm grip. The game had come to a stalemate, and Joe was giving his best parade giggle to all of the kids when they squirmed out of his hold and grunted and laughed and struggled and wrestled all at the same time. He let them go and stood there, panting, and waved his hat next to his face to cool himself down a bit.

"You don't look like you could run as fast as you do", Tor said to him, and made him laugh out even louder.

"Hear that, Hoss?" Joe said, still panting and releasing a giggle every now and then. "Must be the first time somebody's thought I couldn't run."

"Maybe you just got to learn with all the mischief you've done in your life, Short Shanks."

"Aw, leave it, Hoss. You know, you could be building a house by this time over there, instead of wasting the day for some silly games." Joe turned towards Elin and pointed to the direction of Adam and his men with his hat.

Elin just laughed at him. "Just leave it an inch shorter from the corner and it'll be fine." She turned her attention to Hoss and dusted off the specks of grass and leaves from his leather vest. "Do you think Adam's had his time to boss around, and it's safe for us to go?"

Rebecka was hanging on Hoss' vest and he took a firm hold of her in order to lift her up on his shoulders where she wanted to end up, while Sigrid tried to jump to piggyback Joe. As she was a bit too short for reaching him well, Joe ducked a little to give her a boost in her try and caught her in his back. "I reckon we could try", he said to Hoss and Elin with a wink, and galloped off with Sigrid screaming on his back.

Elin took Tor under her arm and squeezed him almost secretly, as she saw the troubled look of a boy who had had to grow a bit too early to face a bit too much. "Wanna race me to Uncle Adam, Tor?" With a wink of an eye, she had gathered her hems and started to run, to have a head start from her son who was quicker than a hare to take her challenge.

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Adam stood in the middle of the spot they had picked. He had put a pencil behind his ear and his sleeves were rolled up, and the expressions on his face changed from important to considering and calculating and back to important at a steady pace. The measurements of the house had been marked with poles that were dug deep in the ground, and stalking between them and the incoming timber Adam was trying to calculate the total wood requirement, the places of the walls and if and if all the math had been correct.

With a smile and a dimple, Adam greeted the in-laws warmly and squinted at the sunlight. "Well, well. If it ain't the little ones with their big and ugly friends again." He shook the leg of Rebecka quite heavily and tried to trip her over from Hoss' neck, making her scream and wriggle, but Hoss held tight on the other leg and didn't let her fall.

"How's my house coming along, Adam?" Hoss inquired, and looked at the men unloading a wagon. Some of the wood would just stay and be covered from the rain and the snow, but with good luck they could have the building started and at a good phase when the winter finally came. He let Rebecka slide down from his neck and go play around the poles in the ground.

"Well, if it all goes well we'll keep the schedule good for it to be all fine and fancy for next summer." He grinned, and looked at the place of the house where he could see the final building standing already, in his mind and his ambition.

"With all those windows, I hope this winter will be long and dark", Elin said, and looked at the same spot as Adam, seeing something either of the same or different in her imagination.

Adam cocked an eyebrow at her. "What do you mean by that?"

"I will need the long hours to make enough _gardins_ to match", she said, and laughed at the idea.

"That's curtains", Hoss told to Adam behind her back. But she was too occupied in thinking about her new lodgings that she didn't care.

"Imagine. All the house being so big and then I just think of running out of _gardins_." She turned her face to Hoss and the sun played on her freckles and the brown curls that had wildly decided not to stay in the plait. "I think I'll have enough of the sheets for all of the beds, but the Creek was never too demanding with the need for curtains."

"You can get curtains sent from San Francisco or New Orleans or even New York if you wish, you know?" Adam took the pencil from behind his ear and chewed the end of it, thinking about the dimensions of the staircases and door knobs again. He should find out if she wanted to have a brick stove or an iron one.

"But I don't want to have things sent for me", Elin said, and combed the loose curls away from her face for the impish summer winds to toss back to her face again. "They don't have the same feel as the things I've made myself, since I know every stitch and pattern and even the mistakes that are lurking behind the fingers when the eye doesn't watch. I've weaved in the memories and thoughts of the times when I've made all that I own."

The pride in her voice and the joy of being able to just do made Adam jolt back from his own thoughts, and smile at her happiness over her own gift, and for a moment he was smiling at the gifts he owned, too. He held the pencil in his hand, and tilted his head slightly, like he was about to say something, when all of the sudden he yelped very loud and jumped up.

Joe jerked up from the ground where he had squatted and sneaked upon his brother.

"Catch!"

With his untamed prancing giggle and his other hand holding very tight on his hat, Little Joe ran away and left Adam swearing and rubbing his hurt behind for a second, before he jerked himself to the game, too, and ran after his laughing and jumping brother who was being protected by the screaming children of Elin.

"I think he runs a lot faster than he looks like he could do", Hoss said, and made Elin laugh and wave her hand at him without trying to hit him too hard. "But it leaves me free to try something I've thought I should practice."

He scooped Elin up on his arms and searched for the edges of the house. "I think this here will be the porch, and this is our front door." He stood in front of the house with mock pomposity. "Be ready, Mrs. Cartwright-to-be." He ducked his head to watch out for an imagined door frame, and stepped over the plank that he had named as the doorstep to their house.

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Elin was folding her sheets and her table cloths and the curtains and cottons that she had prepared with her hands from the age of girlhood up to the last moments before she was about to move to the Ponderosa. Some gentle figures of fine stitching made her smile, some little mistakes or torn cloths made her look at her possessions gently and stroke them over with her hand, as she could relate to all that she had given life through her hands and see the dark hours that had turned into so much of light. It looked like she liked the ones with mistakes the most, while the ones finished with routine and determination were just trivial to her reminiscing hands.

"I hope it will be all fine to live at the house", she thought aloud, and tried to close the trunk, seeing that there was still room for plenty. She took a pile of towels, where gentle lace ran at the edges and in the middle, and spread them over the previous layer of linens. "I thought living with my own parents was sometimes hard enough. And now I'm entering your family."

Her thoughts made Hoss grin at her, and he sneaked up behind her and put his arms around her figure. She continued with what she was doing and ignored his presence, continuing with her chore. "It was quite easy when Fredrik moved here. I think his parents were happy to finally send him somewhere else, as he was so different from anybody." She laughed at Hoss who was trying to steal a kiss from her from behind her neck, and leaned against him without yielding to his attempts. "He adjusted to everything easily as if he had appeared of nothing. But I don't think I'm like that."

"I'm glad you ain't. You'd be unhappy with us four hard-headed fellers if you didn't have a temper of your own."

She pushed her elbow to his stomach quite hard, but she wasn't able to punch his hard muscles more than a worth of a tickle. "Stop it, Hoss, I want to concentrate."

"For what." He wanted to concentrate solely on her.

"I want to say goodbye to my house."

As she closed the lid of the trunk, Hoss ran his hands over hers and followed the movement of her arms, closed the locks and said goodbye to the linens and table cloths that were going to sleep for the winter. Elin left her hands on top of the lid for a long time, and Hoss didn't move, either, because he knew that she needed the time to make sure that she was ready to leave it all to hibernate.

"Hoss, do you think we could come here on the day of our wedding?" Elin bit her lip, and leaned her back against his chest, with the familiar smell of birch leaves and blueberry sprigs hanging over her hair. "I mean... after it all. When we can be alone."

"I reckon we could."

"It's been so good to me, Hoss."

"It's been mighty good to me, too, Elin."


	25. Chapter 25

**XXV**

Hoss Cartwright was the happiest man on earth.

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Hoss Cartwright was a married man, now.

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Hoss Cartwright had stood up in front of the reverend and said "I do", and even as much as he had feared that God would never bring this chance to him, even more he had feared that those same words would not be heard from his left, from the lips of a woman he'd fallen in love with, from the lips of a woman who was so much and who would grow up to be even more, a woman who had seen him as he was and yet was able to say "I do".

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Hoss Cartwright had to be the luckiest man on earth.

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><p>0<p>

_**Elin is a very old Swedish name, at least from the 11th-12th centuries.  
>It is derived from Greek "Helena" - she who brings light; she who is radiant; she who is happiness.<br>**_


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